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LEONORA LaPETERWhat gives? These days many grooms opt for low-key bachelor parties, sans stripper, minus the mayhem.
CLEARWATER - The door opens to Steven Williams' apartment. In walk several of his groomsmen and his father, who will be his best man.
Williams, a "GROOM" pin on his striped polo shirt, smiles heartily. The 26-year-old is getting married the next day and this is his last night to whoop it up.
This bachelor party.
"We're going to wow you with our wildness tonight," says his father, 53-year-old John Williams, setting down the food. "We have Coca-Cola, we have ice, we have pizza, we have jalapeno cheese dip, we have potato chips. Okay, who's going to pop in the video?"
A brother-in-law removes the plastic wrap from a play-by-play DVD of the Bucs recent Super Bowl win and pops it into the DVD player. Williams and eight other guys camp out around the TV, pizza and sodas in hand.
So, where's the alcohol? And the stripper, where's the stripper?
An uncle hops up and hands the groom something wrapped in a white plastic bag. Inside is a deck of jumbo cards, "52 Alluring Sex Games for Lovers." There is a moment of hemming and hawing, and then everyone plops back into position in front of the TV.
By traditional standards, Williams' bachelor party would be an extreme. Extremely uneventful, that is. But these days, that's not unusual. Many grooms are opting for alternative bachelor parties, sans stripper, minus the mayhem.
Wedding experts - from tuxedo rental shop owners to professional wedding consultants - all have observed the shift. Modern Bride has even come up with a list of bachelor party alternatives, from a spa party to a card game. Paintball fields in the Tampa Bay area advertise to prospective bachelors and say they've observed an increase in the number of bachelor parties at their facilities in recent years.
"You don't see as much of the raunchy parties," said Jennifer Fitzsimmons, a Tampa wedding planner. "Guys are doing more hanging out, golfing, fishing, paintball. I'm not seeing them hanging out in a hotel and bringing in a stripper as much."
To be sure, one supplier of strippers said the bachelor party business has been decimated, that she had to cut the prices for strippers in half over the past three years to $90 for a 15-minute stripogram.
"It's a nightmare," said Maureen Donnelly of Brandon, who owns White Fang Entertainment, a company that provides strippers, escorts, clowns and magicians. "Business has been horrible. Two years ago, we were making I'd say 10 times what we're making now. This last year has been the worst."
Donnelly blames it on the economy. But is there something else making the bachelor party less about sex, more about guy time?
Experts say there are several influences fueling the tamer bachelor party.
First, they're older and, apparently, more mature and less wild, the theory goes. In 1970, women married for the first time at an average age of 20. For men it was 23. Today, it's 25 years old for women and 27 for men, according to Census data.
But it also may have a lot to do with the bachelorette. While his party is less crazy, hers has become more so, experts say.
"Today's bride-to-be has no interest in sitting around sipping tea knowing her guy is out for one last hoorah," said professional wedding consultant Linda Kevich, director of the International Institute of Weddings and editor of the Internet site SuperWeddings.com. "When faced with the fact that his bride-to-be is going to indulge in the same kind of fun as he might be anticipating for his last big night out as a single man, a lot of guys find themselves re-thinking the types of activities they will engage in.
"When the shoe's on the other foot, many men get a little uneasy or downright jealous of the thought of their bride-to-be frolicking with male strippers, or flirtatiously dancing the night away with other men."
Bachelor parties originally were known as stag parties, or the groom's dinner, and were first observed in the fifth century in Sparta, where soldiers would celebrate the day before a friend's wedding to mourn the loss of his freedom as a single guy. Eventually, this evolved into the modern raucous, no-holds-barred bachelor party, where anything goes.
Think Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks (circa 1984).
But things have changed since those days. Many women have lived with their fiances well before the wedding day. And so, bachelor parties had to change, too.
"I think it would have a great deal to do with the relaxation of sexual mores," said Elizabeth Bell, associate professor of communication at the University of South Florida in Tampa. "Weddings no longer represent the beginning of sex for a woman and the end of sex for a man. Men don't have to get together anymore and do the wild oats kind of celebration."
Kevich, who says she's helped hundreds of couples get married, said she's noticed couples are consulting with each other more about how they're going to handle their bachelor and bachelorette parties.
Women today are more likely to tell their husbands-to-be if they don't like the plan. And men are more likely to honor their fiancee's wishes, rather than overriding them as in earlier times, Kevich said.
And so, the joint party - in which the bride and groom bring everyone together for a party before the wedding celebration - is becoming more popular.
"We're just past that," said Marilyn Pearson, 47, a real estate broker from Brooksville, referring to the typical bachelor and bachelorette party. She recently married Steve Adams, 52, and they held a golf tournament with their friends and family in place of their bachelor/bachelorette parties.
"It was more about family and the true celebration of what it was, than to go out and hurt yourself. I can't recuperate from that like I used to."
When asked about why they've chosen golf or fishing over a night at the strip club, several men said their bachelor parties had become more about spending time with their friends.
"It was mentioned for mine; it was just brought up and nobody could be bothered because we were going fishing the next day at 6 a.m., and we didn't want to be out too late," said Adam Rolewski, 24, who got married several weeks ago.
Okay, so let's not go overboard here. Guys are still going to strip clubs and renting strippers, at all ages. Take Paul DeChario, 46, an accountant from Palm Harbor who married his department secretary June 7. He was headed to a strip club for his bachelor party, a decision his 18-year-old son and best man made.
"It's the last time I get to see strange naked women," DeChario said. "I'd be just as happy doing anything, playing darts or pool. My fiance would be happier if I did that."
Which brings us back to Williams and his bride, Jennifer. This guy wants to make this girl happy, no doubt about it. They met about six months ago at the head of an American government class at Clearwater High School. He was a substitute teacher. She was an intern. Within two months, they were engaged.
Half a year later and he's at his bachelor party. The plan was originally to watch the Super Bowl and then head to a golf course for some night golf. But a stiff wind scuttled those plans. So after the Super Bowl, the groom's party scattered and Williams and his brother-in-law went cruising in a Trans Am.
"That's my style," Williams said. "I'm a pretty mellow guy. I don't have a need for all that craziness. The wildest I am is cars."
Bachelor parties originally were known as stag parties, or the groom's dinner, and were first observed in the fifth century in Sparta, where soldiers would celebrate the day before a friend's wedding to mourn the loss of his freedom as a single guy. Eventually, this evolved into the modern raucous, no-holds-barred bachelor party, where anything goes.