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Surviving the tempest

Times Staff
Published June 26, 2003

Here are excerpts from Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind.

Making rules and decisions

"Back before your child's brain exploded into adolescence, making rules and decisions was done simply. You simply told your child what to do and he did it. Weren't those days wonderful? ... Gone forever are those days of parental dictatorship. Welcome to America. Today you rule by committee. The balance of power has shifted partially away from you and more toward your brain-challenged teen."

The Internet

"Excessive and obsessive Internet use are new phenomena that have been linked to teenage depression, isolation, emotional immaturity, and even suicide risk. . . . You must view these .com relationships just as you would real ones. Mocking this activity will drive your child further into the cyber relationship out of rebellion, and further away from you and the real world. You want the opposite outcome. You want to be as involved as possible in his Net life."

Music

"Is much of the music of today's adolescents outrageous, disgusting, evil, racist, chauvinistic, violent and poorly harmonized? Without a doubt. . . . But before we get self-righteous about "our' music versus "their' music, I might ask you to play one of your old albums and place yourself in the position of a parent in 1973 listening to Jim Morrison lyrics."

Dating

"Don't laugh off the love of 12-year-olds. . . . Getting dumped at 12 may feel worse than getting dumped at 32, because at 12 you don't have the emotional strength of identity to carry you through. I won't terrify you again with the statistics on adolescent depression and suicide if you promise to remember that you must be there to support that crushed 12-year-old as if this were a friend's marriage failing."

Bottom line

"As scary as the current state of adolescent parenting seems, we're really just in another societal pendulum swing. Our skills as parents will soon catch up with the rapid changes we've seen in the adolescent culture. I've also come to believe that after all is said and done, parents who love their kids will win out, for these are the parents who fight for their children. Sometimes clumsily, sometimes counterproductively, but they always try. This effort is not lost on their child, particularly as the kid ages a bit, and, dare I say it, matures? Time is on the side of loving parents, if they can just ride out the tempest."

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