I took Lowry Park Zoo's River Odyssey Ecotour last week, and I can confirm that it is a tour on a river. But an odyssey? That's a little too much hyperbole.
A tram delivered us from the zoo entrance down to the Hillsborough River, where we boarded the Sirenia, an open-air boat that glides smoothly along the water.
There was plenty to enjoy, starting with a nice breeze that made the heat bearable. The tour guide was friendly and offered plenty of information about the river's ecosystem and history.
Did you know, for example, that one home on the river was supposedly owned by a bootlegger during Prohibition? Apparently, he kept the liquor in tubs in the cellar, and whenever the police happened upon his home, he simply pulled the plugs and let the spirits drain into the river.
My kids got a kick out of spotting turtles, birds and nests. Hopes of seeing a manatee went unanswered, but the guide said they are more likely to come upstream in the cooler winter months.
Couldn't they pay one of the manatees to make daily appearances? I remember when my mom took me on the glass-bottom boats at Wakulla Springs as a kid and a "pole-vaulting" fish named Henry would reliably come out and flip over a log.
I don't know what kind of contract that fish had, but he showed up for work every day.
I was just hoping for something a little more exciting, like a giant animatronic alligator rising out of the water and trying to tip the boat over. The Sierra Club would have me flogged for suggesting this, but it would be kind of cool if Disney sent over some sort of robotic terror to spice up the ride.
It took a woman from Texas to explain that the river tour actually offers a quiet and refreshing change from the theme parks, which can be zoos of a different sort.
The boat ride is $10 for adults, $9 for seniors (50 and older) and $7 for children. Annual zoo pass holders get a $1 discount. If bought with zoo admission, the boat ride tickets are $2 off.
My stomach has a clock.
When it's breakfast time, I eat breakfast food, and I'm pretty traditional: eggs, bacon, grits, pancakes, french toast. My idea of something different is a Belgian waffle.
Okay, maybe once in college I choked down a cold slice of pizza from the night before, but generally I stick to breakfast food before 11 a.m.
I've been going through life thinking everyone shared this perspective except for my wife, who believes the microwave was invented to reheat leftovers so she can get a good meal before work.
I've come to discover that I'm the oddball in this breakfast debate.
Start with what I saw at BuddyFreddy's recently: fried pork chops and fried chicken on the buffet, and people eating it. All kinds of people.
"If you don't have fried pork chops on the buffet, you're in deep trouble," said BuddyFreddy's manager Jonah Fay.
My stomach would stage a revolution.
Nathalie Dupree, a cookbook author, host of her own PBS show and the "grand dame of Southern cuisine" said there isn't much difference between a pork chop and a steak for breakfast.
"In fact, when I was growing up, they used to call them breakfast chops," Dupree said. "And, of course, pork tenderloin was served for breakfast. Pork tenderloin on a biscuit? Oh, my goodness."
Dupree also noted shrimp and grits is a hugely popular breakfast and dinner dish in Charleston, S.C., where she lives.
Shrimp and grits? I'm starting to wonder if I actually grew up in the South.
I guess you could argue a pork chop is the same as bacon or sausage, and while I can't explain it, I'm telling you, it's a different kind of grease.
Asking me to eat a pork chop before The Price Is Right is like asking me to wake up to the sounds of Metallica. I would be up, but I don't think I would make it through the day.
