Your heroes are in camp. Gruden, Lynch, Sapp, Brooks, Rice, Kiffin, Johnson and Johnson, perspiring more proudly than ever in power pewter.
Pass the Disney lemonade.
To me, summer is becoming a drippy drain. Does it seem that half your neighbors and two-thirds of your coworkers are on vacation? Snowbirds aren't around, being humidity escapees. Golf, tennis and cycling pros are playing Europe and less-steamy climes. Basketball and hockey hibernate.
By mid July in the Tampa Bay area, the major baseball question is whether the D-Rays will lose 99 or 109. Or if Lou Piniella will maintain his sanity. Or how long before relocation rumors fester at the Trop, as financial challenges grow but attendance doesn't.
Pass the juice.
Hold up a hand if you're ravenous for football. Around here, it's runaway boss among sporting loves. Those are my fingernails scratching the ceiling. Time to prepare passion plays for grand, barbecue-flavored football cathedrals of Tampa, Miami, Jacksonville, Orlando, Gainesville and Tallahassee.
Come on September, with your captivating story lines ... about Bucs working for a Super Bowl repeat, and Dolphins closing the gap with Junior Seau and younger Griese now belonging to Miami, and Jaguars playing with happier faces with upbeat Jack Del Rio replacing prune-face Tom Coughlin as coach.
Bring on the daily Camp Gruden news nuggets, features, prospects, interviews and even Michael Pittman and other evolving controversies. Soon, the show will expand with collegiate 'Noles, Gators, Hurricanes and Bulls, each with a unique and challenging drama for 2003.
Like me, are you ready for some ...?
WHERE'S SIR HOOTIE?: There's no Martha Burk picketing at Royal St. George's gates, but today's British Open kingdom has attitudes that precede and exceed any it's-for-guys policy at Augusta National.
Women are "welcome," but only along in company of a bloke. David Bonsall, captain of the famed Sandwich links, told the Guardian newspaper, "There hasn't been much of a push for such a thing" as female members.
Royal attitudes have long been in place, as evidenced by a World War I statement of Sir John Taylor, suggesting that club facilities for horses, "the old nag stable with earth closets, would make a suitable lavatory for the ladies."
There used to be a sign asking that "Ladies Should Remove Their Trousers Before Entering the Clubhouse." Lucky that Kate Hepburn never showed up at Royal St. George's. Or Burk.
JULY JABS: Next to Pete Rozelle, the NFL colossus had no more likable visionary than Tex Schramm. ... Rush Limbaugh has been added to ESPN's NFL studio. Shouldn't his sport be hockey, where they have right wingers? ... I've not mentioned it in a long time, but I still think professional boxing is stupid, for men or women. ... Speaking of ESPN, isn't that Around the Horn show still a yapping, irritating mess? ... One more slap at Bristol: if the sports network I generally love is aiming for the most overbearing, nauseating, unimposing SportsCenter anchors possible, the new "leader" is Neil Everett. ... Roger Federer's artistry at Wimbledon was terribly undercelebrated in our country, maybe because it involved pure, dominating tennis. ... Listen and groan, because my campaign against the overuse of the term "unbelievable" is flunking, with networks seemingly having secret meetings to urge even more babbling of the most misused word in the English language, a crutch for any talking head not sharp enough to find alternatives. For starters, limit Ian Baker-Finch to one "unbelievable" per telecast. ... For balance, let me announce that I love Mary Carillo's work as a tennis analyst but can do with less Pam Shriver.
JUST A FEW MORE: Fridge Perry was one of the most overrated sports celebrities ever, as his just-give-me-the-money scam at a New York hot dog eating contest further documents. ... Seth Greenberg says he's the luckiest guy in America, having left USF for Virginia Tech, then seeing himself unexpectedly cast as an ACC basketball coach. ... It's intriguing that Karl Malone was offered No.32 with the Lakers, with approval of Magic Johnson for whom the number had retired, especially since The Mailman sadly misdelivered a "don't come near me" attitude on HIV when the L.A. guard played on with the infection in 1993.
