The Tampa Bay Buccaneers Christmas village looks just like Tampa — except for the the ‘50s cars, Victorian streetlights and snow. Click for larger picture.
Tampa Bay won the Super Bowl; and for further proof that hell has frozen over, we offer the illuminated Buccaneers Christmas village draped in red and pewter.
And snow.
For just three payments of $16.65, plus $6.99 shipping and handling, the pirate-hearted can begin collecting buildings and figurines that will bring the winter wonderland of Raymond James Stadium into their homes.
Except this 51/2-inch-high stadium looks more Ivy League than Dale Mabry.
Victorian street lights glow as bundled up fans scuffle through synthetic snow toward the stadium. Fifties cars, one with a snow-covered Christmas tree strapped to the top, and a doo-wop diner ring the ticket office. We hope the roof doesn't collapse from the powdery accumulation there! (Reality check: the ticket window does appear closed, proving that you've got the proverbial snowball's chance to see a game in person, should you not already have season tickets.)
Apparently no one at Hawthorne Village, the Illinois company hawking the multipiece, limited edition set, has been to Florida in December. Or maybe ever. December is the month when it's finally bearable to watch a Bucs game outside. That's when fans don sweatshirts with shorts as temperatures dip into the 70s. Brrrr!
As for the Happy Days motif, the Bucs weren't even a team until 1976. The lack of realism isn't likely to matter to collectors, though. What is nostalgia anyway, but a longing for things that used to be . . . or maybe never were?
The Bucs village is licensed by the National Football League, which has also given its nod for the Green Bay Packers Christmas village. No, the cheeseheads aren't drinking mojitos under swaying palm trees. Their village is identical to the Bucs, except the red and pewter are green and gold. Somehow, the scene looks more appropriate for a team that revels in snow fights.
Several calls to Hawthorne Village went unanswered. The first request for an interview was referred to the legal department. (No, we aren't planning on suing for misrepresentation.) Another call was cut off, and Nos. 3 and 4 went to someone in advertising who must have been on vacation because she never returned the call. Florida, maybe?
We just wondered if anyone there thought a snowy Florida diorama is as silly as we do.
A spokesman for the National Football League in New York City said that only one of every 1,000 requests for permission to use its trademarked logo gets the okay. Wow. We'd like to see the 999 that lost to the Christmas village.
A line of women's clothes for men, perhaps?
We do understand the passion some fans have for their team, especially now that the painful years have given way to glory. And reality doesn't always make for a warm and fuzzy Christmas display.
A real Raymond James scene might include Joe Redner waving from the door of his strip club, the Mons Venus, and fans eating at the mega-salad buffet Sweet Tomatoes before paying twice face value for a scalped ticket. How about some figurines of beer-giddy guys with faces and bellies painted red?
No, that's not the spirit of Christmas.
Coach Jon Gruden jokes in the September issue of Playboy that he'll dance down Dale Mabry in a jockstrap if the Bucs repeat as Super Bowl champions.
Don't know if Hawthorne can get the NFL's okay to make a bare-backed Gruden, but that would be worth three easy payments of $16.65.
