TAMPA - Communicate. Appreciate. Walk together as a couple and seek God.
That was some of the advice that 14 couples reaped after taking part in the Cathedral of Faith's recent marriage workshop.
"Reviving, renewing, recommitting," was the purpose of the June 20-21 retreat, said co-organizer Thomas Huggins.
Add remarrying.
At the end of the weekend, Bishop James H. Howell and his wife, Marzetta, the co-pastor, led a wedding renewal ceremony at the church on N 30th Street, east of Old Seminole Heights. The brides wore white; the men pinned on white silk boutonnieres.
"Families make good churches," said James Howell, who has made strengthening families a focus of his ministry.
The workshop, co-facilitated by Pastor Michael and Ayakao Watkins of the Victory Christian Center in St. Petersburg, marked the second since Howell founded the church in 1988.
"It's a blessing to find this many couples willing to declare before God that they are not giving up, they're in it for the long haul," said Gail Huggins, one of the organizers. She and husband, Thomas, married 17 years ago and have four children. They hope to make the retreat an annual event open to both members and nonmembers.
The workshop began even before guests arrived at the Saddlebrook Resort in Wesley Chapel. Each couple received a list of topics to discuss in the car. Talking points included imperfection, acceptance, dependence and mutual respect.
Topping the instructions: Turn off the cell phone until you get back home.
Participants found a single long-stemmed red rose and a bottle of sparkling grape juice in their room. The $150 fee per couple included accommodations and dinner.
During the semiformal dinner, each husband stood or kneeled when asked to verbalize his feelings for his wife.
"They had no advance notice of this," said Gail Huggins. "They spoke from the heart."
Vijay Morgan said those romantic expressions were the highlight of the retreat. "You reinforced your love for your spouse," said Morgan who has been married to his wife, Emma, for three years.
After dinner, Gail and Thomas Huggins organized a game to see how well the spouses knew one another. Questions ranged from naming their favorite restaurant to reciting their favorite scripture. The winners, Samuel and Felicia Thomas, earned a dinner for two cooked at their home by a professional chef.
Saturday morning, the men and women separated for more candid discussions. Some said they were surprised so many other couples battled similar issues involving sex, time management and sharing responsibilities.
Cynthia Chipp said it took some arm twisting to get her husband of 19 years, Solomon, to attend.
"More than a little bit," he said, with a sheepish grin. Since the retreat, however, he sees improvement in their "communication and ability to make decisions together."
Barron and Fredrita Blanks, the newlyweds of the group at 15 months, learned more about the art of compromise.
"We're two different people," she said. "You have to compromise."
Rose and Carlos Colon of Brandon married 19 years ago. They attended the sessions to become better role models for their two children.
"We get so comfortable with each other, we take each other for granted," Rose Colon said. "We need to listen better."
Samuel and Felicia Thomas married almost three years ago. The birth of their baby Samuel Jr. changed the balance in their household.
"Once children arrive, you need to work harder to find time for yourselves," she said.
Amen to that, chorused the group.
Floyd and Sharon Walters celebrated their seventh anniversary on July 20. Sharon Walters said she's the silent type who tends to hold in anger and resentment. The retreat helped her learn how to express her needs.
"You can't change your spouse," she said. "You have to ask God to help you adapt and understand the person for the qualities you married him for."
For the most part, her husband agreed.
"You have to . . . keep the line of communication open or you don't have a chance," he said. "The war is over."
Carolyn and Jerone Jackson held the longest union in the group. A justice of the peace married the couple 31 years ago in Charleston, S.C. Renewing their vows in a church thrilled the Brandon pair, who call each other "best friends."
"It was very special to be married in front of our church family," said Jerone Jackson, father of three and grandfather of three.
The most important message Jerone took away from the session: "Love her as she is."
Carolyn Jackson's best advice: "Seek God first, before you seek a spouse."
- To pass along tips to Amy Scherzer, reach her at 226-3332 or scherzer@sptimes.com
