Thinking outside the box has never been a big priority with Dade City government, where the answer to the suggestion is most likely to be, "Box? What box? There was a box? I didn't see a box."
But with the city facing a massive budget shortfall - well, massive for Dade City - at $1-million to $1.4-million, it's obviously time for more marketing-oriented minds to get involved.
Not that current suggested plans to invest in lottery tickets and send a city police SWAT team to find Saddam aren't valid, mind you, but we need to come down to earth a little. Publicity is key. Attracting people to Dade City is key, and making enough people want to stay so that property values will go up instead of down is extremely important. My insurance company and the county appraiser keep saying my Dade City home is getting more valuable, so it must be everyone else who is dropping the ball.
So let's be creative, huh guys?
Some clown in Nevada just garnered nationwide attention by pulling off a hoax saying that he was having "Hunting for Bambi" outings at his ranch.
Bambi - since there was more than one, the Bambettes- were women who supposedly ran around nude while men, who had paid a lot of money for the privilege, plinked away at them with paint ball guns. Paint balls hurt, I am told, especially if the person being shot is nude, and the very idea was enough to get feminists across the nation up in arms.
Maybe that was a hoax, but the Dade City Commission should take a look at the idea, especially because it has three prime targets.
Mayor Scott Black sells insurance; Commissioner Lowell Harris is a pharmacist; and the piece de resistance is Commissioner Hutch Brock - a lawyer.
Just those facts and the availability of a paint ball gun should be a big enough seller, but the nudity would get us national attention.
Dade City has missed out, in general, on nudism, which is one of Pasco's major industries. Five resorts attract tens of thousands of visitors to central Pasco every year, hardly any of whom wind up in Dade City. (I would have noticed.)
City movers and shakers decided this year that its annual Christmas In July celebration was getting a little stale and tried to spice it up by making it a "Caribbean Christmas in July." Because they've already brought the sun into it, who says you need to be clothed for Christmas in July . . . or any other time for that matter.
It shouldn't be that hard to put together a nude antique shopping festival, and who says people have to be dressed for Dade City's other big event, the Kumquat festival. As far as I know there is nothing mutually exclusive about kumquats and nudity.
The commission also could plug into the Disney megabucks mill. Trust me. The words "Mickey Mouse outfit" have already been raised.
The idea of selling advertising space on city patrol cars might be revisited, and no, as long as I drive these streets, the Dunkin' Donuts joke will not see print in this column.
Parking meters, now that I am retiring and won't be looking for parking spaces as often, seem like a lot better idea than they used to. Pasco Beverage Inc. could be converted to a theme park. Who wouldn't buy tickets for Packing World? See what I mean?
Creative thinking.
If Dade City plans on thriving as a center of commerce, which, in the end, is what will make property values go up, someone somewhere should think about making it a place where there is something to do.
In the old days we used to amuse ourselves by going over to the Chevron station and jumping on the cord to make the bell ring, but the dearth of full-service (or any service) gas stations took away that entertainment, and it never really has been the same since.
But at least some people are thinking about these things.
"I think we should consider selling beach access tickets," said a friend of mine.
"But the nearest beach is 40 miles away," I said, "and it stinks."
"What," he said, "you never heard of caveat emptor?"
