They're locked in the garage for two hours by a 5-year-old. They run for three blocks straight chasing after delinquent kids who take off on their bikes. They're cornered by slobbering dogs. They're cussed at and lied to. Sometimes they're stiffed. And they've faced parents too drunk to drive them home.
These are a few of the stories I heard at a recent round table of sitters ages 15 to 18 who regaled the low points of their part-time careers with both laughter and exasperation.
These aren't high-priced New York nannies written up in the best-selling The Nannie Diaries. They are the teenage babysitters we call on to watch our children.
Across Pinellas County and across America the one thing these sitters say more than anything else to their young charges: "Don't make me call your mom." They love kids and are extremely capable. But they readily admit that their job can be tough at times due to unruly kids and inconsiderate parents.
There are the parents who come in two hours late on school nights. Then there are the sitters who are told to help themselves to anything they want to eat during a 6-hour stint of sitting but can find little more than tofu, carrot sticks and soy milk.
They put up with boys who think they are expected to tackle their teenage sitters or at least fling a couple of sofa cushions at them on a regular basis. The sitters sit down to have some calm coloring time with the kids only to be at a loss of words when they draw all sorts of weapons, blood and gore.
One sitter's worst moment was when she was caring for a young boy and his toddler sister. As she fixed them lunch she saw him grab some scissors and go toward his sister's hair. "Drop the scissors right now," she told him as she rushed to his side. Too late. He slashed a good 6 inches of long, golden locks then begged her not to tell his parents.
Another time this same 16-year-old girl was at a different house and the 5-year-old boy she was watching asked her to go out to the refrigerator in the garage to get his favorite juice. As soon as she heard the door to the house lock behind her she knew she'd been had. She sat in the garage for about two hours begging him to let her in. Finally the exterior garage door went up and there she sat, waving to the parents as they arrived home.
There were several stories of boys who urinate outside, inside and from a standing position in the bathtub. But these girls aren't that bothered by that or those awful dirty diapers. It's the dogs' foul habits that really get to them.
"We're there to take care of your kids, not your animals," one said.
"One time I was babysitting and their dog kept throwing up all over the house," another recalled. "It was like, so gross, I called my dad to get him to come clean it up."
Ah, yes. It's the long-suffering parents of sitters who seem to put up with as much as the sitters themselves in order to further their children's careers. They bring food over when there's none to eat in the house. They bring changes of clothes when babies spit up all over the sitters' original attire. When sick children throw up, the sitters usually call their own parents for advice before calling the kids' parents.
One sitter told of a time when the children's mother came home early from a New Year's Eve party but was in no state to drive her home. So she had to call her father who fought his way out of the First Night crowd downtown to pick her up.
Still, the sitters, and a few sitters' parents I also talked to, say they definitely prefer calling home than riding with someone who is drinking or taking a cab alone. If you know you're going to be drinking, ask your sitter in advance if she can get her own ride home if she doesn't drive. And even if she does drive, many would rather not be on the road on New Year's Eve, so ask her to spend the night.
The sitters I talked to said they only expect to be paid for the time the parents are away even if they spend the night. Still, double time on New Year's Eve is getting to be the expected rate. And if you're more than an hour late on any other night a little extra tip would be nice. But try not to be late, especially if it's day time when these busy girls often have activities or other sitting jobs scheduled for later.
"I mean, when parents call and ask if it's okay if they come back in two hours, what are we supposed to say? No?" one sitter asked. But it's also not fair to come home two hours early when a sitter has cleared her schedule expecting a certain amount of pay.
They often don't want to talk money to your face, but they have set ideas on what's fair and what's not. For example, it's not fair to pay them less at night because the kids are asleep for two of the four hours they're sitting. Adults don't get paid less at a real job if one day at the office or store isn't as busy as another, one reasoned. And, giving up a Friday night to babysit Junior is more of a sacrifice to their social life than daytime sitting, so why should they take a financial hit as well?
If your kids have friends come over to play while the sitter is there, it's fair to pay an extra dollar per hour of an extra child. In the same vein, if you usually pay your sitter one rate for three kids and leave her with just one, they say it's fair to pay her less. I asked about the touchy situation of when a sitter brings a friend. I always feel I should pay the friend, but I'm usually too cheap to do so.
These sitters assured me I was not breaching the babysitting labor laws. Pay the sitter you hired the usual rate, and often she will split her take with her friend. But they cautioned that a good sitter will ask parents if they can bring a friend in advance. Don't fall for it when a sitter says she might have someone stop by later. "That's not cool, because you don't know who it is," a 15-year-old warned me.
Oh, and if you don't have exact change they gladly accept checks. That's better than getting stiffed if you forget to add the extra money you owe the next time they sit.
As for meals, sitters say they are happy to eat whatever the kids eat, from hot dogs to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Just make sure there's enough for them, too. They're happy to make sandwiches, macaroni and cheese or even cookies and brownies with the kids. But one sitter was shocked to find a raw chicken and fresh vegetables waiting for her on the kitchen counter. The mother casually asked her to cook up some stir-fry for the kids as she drifted out the door.
"I'd never even cut up raw chicken at home. It was gross," the 16-year-old recounted, still shuddering at the thought.
- You can reach Katherine Snow Smith by e-mail at snowsmith@verizon.net or write Rookie Mom, St. Petersburg Times, PO Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.
