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Gimme five

TALK OF THE TOWN

Five topics suitable for inane debate on talk radio:

OUR VERY OWN STEEL CURTAIN: They're not getting older, they're getting better. So appreciate the Bucs defense. Understand that you are seeing something remarkable that will be talked about years from now. The goal-line stand in the first quarter was the difference in the game.

YO, ADRIAN, I NEED A HIT: The new season of Monday Night Football was introduced during a mock boxing workout featuring Sylvester Stallone. He began by explaining how pleasure and pain really are not opposites. Which goes a long way toward explaining a career that includes Rocky and Judge Dredd.

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE ... : The offensive line has a new look. And a familiar problem. With the arrival of John Wade and Jason Whittle, along with Cosey Coleman moving from right to left guard, there are new starters at three of the five positions. Yet the Bucs still have trouble running. And they continue to stop themselves. The line was called for three first-half penalties.

HOLD ON HOLDOUT: It was a mistake for Duce Staley to hold out of training camp almost four weeks. He should have stayed away for six. It would have kept him from embarrassing himself Monday night. Not to say the Eagles running back was not a factor, but even the Bucs offensive line was laughing at this performance.

THE SAME OLD STORY: How many times does Brad Johnson have to outperform the league's top guns before he is considered a peer? Head to head against Michael Vick, Brett Favre, Jeff Garcia and Donovan McNabb, Johnson consistently puts up better numbers. He was 7-of-7 for 68 yards on the first TD drive.

Five reasons it hurts to be an Eagles fan today:

5: Andy Reid or Jon Gruden? Oops, hired the wrong Mike Holmgren protege.

4: Mike Mamula or Warren Sapp? Oops, drafted the wrong lineman in '95.

3: Lincoln Financial or Raymond James? Oops, both belong to the Bucs.

2: Simeon Rice or McNabb? Oops, wrong Mt. Carmel (Ill.) grad.

1: Obnoxious or disheartened? Okay, we'll give them both.

1: Eagles return opening kickoff beyond midfield. Are the Bucs destined for another season of dread every time a punter or kicker takes the field? Certainly nothing special here.

2: The Eagles fool the Bucs on a fake field-goal attempt and would have taken a 7-0 lead had L.J. Smith not dropped a pass in the end zone. Definitely nothing special there.

3: Tom Tupa drops a punt in front of the goal line and Dwight Smith covers it before the ball bounces into the end zone. Finally, a special play.

4: Jermaine Phillips partially blocks an Eagle punt, and the Bucs take possession on the Philadelphia 31. The field position leads to a Martin Gramatica field goal and the early lead. Now that's special.

5: Tupa finished with three punts inside the Philadelphia 20. Okay, we'll give them a special pass until next week.

Checking out the best bets for Super Bowl XXXVIII in Houston:

1. BUCS Excellent defense, adequate offense. It can work again.

2. STEELERS And Joey Porter's return would be a shot in the pants.

3. TITANS Steve McNair is the QB Michael Vick wants to grow up to be.

4. CHIEFS Dick Vermeil is in his third year. He took the Eagles and Rams to the Super Bowl in his third year in previous stops.

5. BILLS: The difference in the 2003 Bills? That's right: Les Steckel.

On top until further notice.