PORT RICHEY - A young man drives up to his date's house and honks the horn instead of going to the door.
Boorish behavior? Absolutely.
Declining manners in today's world? Most likely.
Fostering eventual sexual abuse? Maybe.
Sexual predators succeed when children can't sense disrespectful and inappropriate relationships, Catholic educators were told Wednesday. Youth culture - rife with salacious movies, bawdy chat rooms and revealing clothing - routinely puts children at risk, both from peers and from predatory adults.
"It's easier for abuse to occur when boundaries are eroded across the board," said trainer Laura Buddenberg.
Buddenberg and two other specialists from Omaha's Girls and Boys Town spent Tuesday and Wednesday at Bishop McLaughlin High School in Shady Hills delving into the eye-popping state of teenage sexuality.
Listening attentively were about 350 teachers, youth ministers, volunteers and priests from the Catholic Diocese of St. Petersburg. They, in turn, will train about 3,500 peers - everyone in the diocese who works with children.
Like similar training sessions around the country, the Nebraska group's talk was prompted by recent priest-child molestation scandals. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has ordered that all Catholics who work with children be instructed on creating "safe environments."
According to the trainers, safety goes way beyond monitoring priests.
Through television, movies and other media, children are exposed to about 15,000 sexual references a year, trainer Kathie McGee said. "Only about 170 are about STDs, abstinence - all the things we want them to hear."
Children exchange graphic e-mail and letters "that read like a Playboy magazine article." Their songs and conversation speak of players, pimps and Mack daddies - people with multiple sex partners, McGee said. This atmosphere makes children vulnerable to "grooming," sexual manipulation that appears benign at first, but turns to abuse. It can come from a peer or a teacher, parent or other adult.
According to the trainers, warning signs include:
Possessiveness: A boy tells his girlfriend what to wear and whom to talk to. Abusive adults pay inordinate attention to a teen's dating habits. Public accusation: "I know you are sleeping with her. You'd better not talk to her again," a girl yells at her boyfriend in a crowded school hallway.
Insecurity: "If you leave me, I'll kill myself." Such threats should be reported to authorities immediately, Buddenberg said. A groomer might commit suicide and kill his or her target as well.
Secrecy is often crucial to adult groomers, McGee said. "I'll always be here for you," the groomer might say. "But this is our little secret."
