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Schools will give kids new Windows on the world

By HOWARD TROXLER
Published September 17, 2003

I totally endorse the decision of Howard Hinesley, the school chief in Pinellas County, to eliminate Apple computers from the public schools and switch to Windows-based computers.

ERROR: THE FILE "WHATSIS.DLL' HAS UNEXPECTEDLY DISAPPEARED FROM THE HARD DRIVE.

After all, the entire point of public education is to prepare children for the real world, and the real world is dominated by Windows.

There is no sense in letting kids get accustomed to easier-to-use, more reliable machines that are less prone to viruses when they will have to grow up and survive in the modern workplace.

ERROR: WINDOWS DID NOT FINISH LOADING ON THE PREVIOUS ATTEMPT.

Face it. Macintoshes are toys. They are for drawing pretty little pictures. Mac lovers can cite all the facts and figures they want about their processor speeds, but a Macintosh simply cannot compete with a Windows machine when it comes to what matters: keeping techs employed.

THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN.

Macintoshes will not prepare schoolchildren for the challenges of the employment market, such as dealing with IT, whatever exactly it is that "IT" stands for.

Apple-educated students will be completely clueless about how to have conversations such as:

EMPLOYEE: Help! A substance resembling pea soup is pouring out of my computer's hard drive!

IT: We're not showing anything wrong on this end. Are you sure you didn't pour something in there? Did you reboot?

ERROR: SPOOL32 CAUSED A GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT IN MODULE ADOBEPS.DRV.

It will be a foreign experience for them when they start a program that has started, like, a zillion times before, only to get a message saying that a vital file has disappeared, or even that the program is not installed.

They will believe that the modem in their computer is, in fact, there. They will be cruelly astonished when their computer insists, out of the blue, that there IS no modem.

WARNING: THIS OPERATION HAS BEEN CANCELED BY THE SYSTEM.

They will not have the experience of buying and loading software that does not run on Windows X.XX. They will not have learned that the version of Internet Explorer they just downloaded is obsolete.

They will not have experience with those little Windows messages that say: "Tired of these annoying messages that use your own operating system against you? Visit our Web site." They will not have learned to master the desire to torture the makers of those ads.

HI THERE!!! I AM AN ANNOYING ANIMATED PAPER CLIP THAT HAS POPPED UP INEXPLICABLY ON YOUR SCREEN AND WILL NOW PREVENT YOU FROM DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE TRYING TO DO. IN FACT, NO MATTER HOW COMMON A TASK IT IS THAT YOU MIGHT BE TRYING, IT WILL NOT BE IN MY INDEX. NEITHER WILL YOU BE ABLE TO GET RID OF ME HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

(Note to my editors: Insert about 90 seconds of a little stopwatch icon here while the hard-drive grinds and the screen locks up.)

[Last modified September 17, 2003, 05:43:08]


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Howard Troxler: Schools will give kids new Windows on the world
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