In many places worldwide, Yellow Ribbon groups will remember and reflect on the lives lost.
By DONNA WINCHESTER
Published September 21, 2003
MADEIRA BEACH - As recently as two months ago, Kathy Pingleton was planning to rent a hotel room on the beach and invite her son's friends for pizza and cake to celebrate his 16th birthday.
She still will spend time at the beach today. But instead of having a party, she will be joining the families and friends of suicide victims, who, along with survivors all over the world, will honor lost loved ones at 12:30 p.m. EDT with a simultaneous moment of silence.
Mrs. Pingleton will be thinking of Brandon, who took his life on Aug. 10, as the survivors blow soap bubbles over the Gulf of Mexico in memory of the victims.
The Largo High School sophomore loved skateboarding. He was a musician, an artist and a writer. He also was a member of the student board of directors of the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program of Pinellas County.
Shortly before his death, he had alerted an adult member of the group of a classmate's intent to kill herself. The adult responded, talked to the girl, and helped her change her mind.
"I'm at a loss for an explanation," Mrs. Pingleton said in a phone interview Friday. "The kids all said Brandon was the one who was always there giving them the uplift, helping them out with their problems. I don't know why he was able to apply his knowledge with her and not with himself."
About 75 people are expected to attend the event, which was organized by the Pinellas Yellow Ribbon chapter. At the chapter's request, the Pinellas County Commission and the cities of Madeira Beach, Seminole and Pinellas Park have issued declarations that mirror a statewide mandate by Gov. Jeb Bush proclaiming Sept. 21-27 International Yellow Ribbon Suicide Awareness and Prevention Week in Florida.
For several years in cities across the United States and as far away as Australia and New Zealand, the third week in September has been set aside as a time to remember those whose emotional pain became greater than their desire to live.
"It's a two-fold pain when your child dies of suicide," said Bonnie McClelland, founder of the Pinellas chapter. "Not only do you have the pain of the loss of your child, but there's also the tremendous guilt that says, "My love wasn't strong enough to keep him here."'
Ms. McClelland's 17-year-old son, Tim, committed suicide on Jan. 20, 2002. He had been frustrated about being dyslexic, a condition that caused him difficulty with his schoolwork, and had been hospitalized twice under the state's Baker Act. Shortly before his death, he had been expelled from Seminole High School for carrying a knife, which Ms. McClelland says he needed for shop class.
Drowning in a sea of pain, she heard about the international organization started by Dar and Dale Emme in 1994 after their 17-year-old son Mike took his life in Westminster, Colo. Ms. McClelland, who lives in Seminole, decided to start a local chapter as a way of reaching out to others who have lost loved ones to suicide.
She also wanted to send the message to those contemplating suicide that help is available, and that they have options.
Following the example of the Colorado group, she began distributing yellow pocket-sized cards that urge individuals in emotional pain to seek help by taking the card to a counselor, a teacher, a member of the clergy, a parent or a friend.
The other side of the card instructs card recipients to practice what Ms. McClelland calls "life skills" - staying with the person, really listening, and getting or calling for help immediately.
"These cards are for everybody," she said, explaining that when she first became involved in suicide prevention, she left some at a Seminole restaurant. "At the very first fundraiser I did, a woman pulled a card from her wallet and said, "I was going to go home and kill myself. I had stopped off for my last meal. Every time I open my wallet, I touch the card and I know that somebody cares."'
Ms. McClelland is particularly concerned about suicides among young people, which she said account for about 5,000 of the nearly 30,000 suicides that occur annually in the United States. In many cases, she said, youth who appear to be happy are in deep emotional pain.
She believes awareness is the key to stemming the tide, even though suicide remains a topic people are hesitant to address. Today's event, as well as her statewide advocacy and frequent appearances before groups interested in hearing her message, are intended to open the subject up for discussion.
"Every time I look at the warning signs and the risk factors (of suicide), I think, "If only somebody had told me.' I knew Tim had problems, but I never thought he would (commit) suicide. If I had known that suicide was a leading cause of death, maybe I would have been a lot more aware and vigilant."
- If you or someone you know is considering suicide, call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).
If you go:
The Pinellas chapter of the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program will celebrate the lives of loved ones lost to suicide at 12:30 p.m. today on Madeira Beach at the southern end of the John's Pass bridge. The public is invited to attend.
For more information on the Yellow Ribbon program:
Contact Bonnie McClelland, 394-8222, or visit the organization's international Web site at www.yellowribbon.org
