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It was a crazy time, back in the '80s. Some would say too crazy.
We were young. We were wild. And according to Dade City's Big Book of Ordinances, we were parading through town in vehicles (defined as "any automobile, truck, motor cycle, motor scooter, bicycle, tricycle, moped, float or other object on wheels, whether self-propelled or drawn or pushed by animals or people.")
And we were throwing candy.
It's all in the book, the whole, unseemly mess.
There's no mention, however, of the unseemly mess caused by the animals drawing and pushing other objects on wheels. I checked.
Oh, we might blame the crazy times for all the candy throwing; we might blame MTV. We might blame the spirit of giving. Let's face it, we might as well blame ourselves. We should be ashamed.
But you can't blame the Dade City Commission.
Commissioners took action. Their mighty pen crushed the candy throwers. With the city's official seal, they smote the Peppermint Mafia.
Dec. 9, 1986, Dade City Ordinance No. 539: "An emergency ordinance of the City Commission of Dade City, Florida, prohibiting the throwing of candy and other items from automobiles, floats and other vehicles and by persons taking part in parades."
It is an ordinance that like the proverbial cheese, stands alone in Pasco, Hernando and Citrus counties.
Brooksville frowns on candy throwing, but it's not illegal.
But times are different now. Dade City Commissioners have mellowed perhaps. Maybe we all have. Like mellowed cheese, no longer wanting to stand alone.
Let freedom ring, Vice Mayor Bill Dennis declared last week. Let my people throw!
Let every child know the joy of scrambling for sweet goodies tossed on the pavement by strangers.
No, not like at closing time at the Krispy Kreme, although you don't know the thrill of victory until you've wrestled a day-old cruller from a boozy hobo.
I'm talking about the Christmas parade!
Down with Big Government! Up with Santa!
Mr. Dennis, tear down that wall!
At a City Commission meeting, Dennis bravely admitted he, himself had already cast the first candy treat as a member of the underground opposition, tossing small bags of sweets from a moving car during Pasco High School's homecoming parade.
"I'm not going down alone," he said bravely, identifying other commissioners as co-conspirators.
City Commissioner Hutch Brock bought the candy and goaded him into throwing it, Dennis declared.
Yes, goaded.
But Dennis wasn't always a rebel. Back in 1986, when he stood as the bulwark between candymania and a safer society, Dennis was the one who brought forth the candy ban.
He was riding a wave, ahead of a ground swell, beating the curve.
He had powerful political backing.
Sister Roberta Bailey, principal at Saint Anthony School in San Antonio, lauded Dennis' efforts.
Yes, lauded.
"Congratulations to you and the entire Dade City Commission," she wrote in a letter to Dennis that is preserved in city annals. "I appreciate your consideration for the safety of children from accidental pelting of thrown objects and/or injury by moving vehicles. Children are a precious treasure and our hope for the future."
Wait a minute. Pelting our hope for the future? Is that what this is about?
Just what do you stand for Mr. Dennis? Future-pelting?
And what's this about precious treasure? Who took the precious treasure? Was it pirates? I'll bet it was pirates. Why wasn't something done about the pirates? Maybe it's time we take a hard look at some tough anti-pirate legislation, instead of pelting our children.
With a promise of amnesty, fellow commissioners agreed Dennis' bid for candy anarchy will come with some restrictions.
It should be good candy, for example. Not those stupid red-and-white round, rock-hard "candy" things at your grandmother's house. Who eats that stuff?
And no crullers.
City Attorney Karla Owens was instructed to prepare an ordinance that will both allow for some candy distribution during parades but also protect our precious treasures.
After all, how do you put a price on a child's pelt?