When I talk about the Tampa Bay area music scene, it's usually with enthusiasm. We have some terrific local bands, a tight-knit community filled with talented, dedicated musicians who, in many cases, have known each other for years.
I brag about our scene to out-of-town friends.
Which is why the recent phone calls I'm getting from relatives and pals in other states asking if I'm covering "this whole Hell On Earth thing" are bumming me out. Same with the messages from MSNBC and the BBC.
For the record: When we in the St. Petersburg Times newsfeatures department first got Hell On Earth's e-mail about Saturday's gig featuring the "onstage suicide" by an unidentified terminally ill friend of the band, we dismissed it. We were used to Hell On Earth leader Billy Tourtelot's ridiculous PR. Billy, as he's known to his (very small) fan base, promotes the band's infrequent gigs with outrageous shenanigans. The Times omits all the hoopla about rats in blenders and women wrestling in chocolate syrup and simply lists Hell On Earth in our music calendars.
Billy's a huckster. A crafty one. But I'll bet (he's not talking to us, so he can't speak for himself) that even he had no idea how this stunt would explode. Somehow the Associated Press got wind of the gig, and not knowing Billy's history, ran with it, notifying the world's reporters. Interest has been intense, but only from reporters: the State Theatre in St. Petersburg said fewer than 10 tickets were sold before the show was canceled.
Now, after the City Council got into the act with an ordinance banning the kind of stunt Tourtelot promised, he's claiming the show will go on at an undisclosed location (skirting the ordinance by not having it open to the ticket-buying public) and it will be broadcast on the band's Web site. Billy can't be found, except by his buddy Bubba the Love Sponge Clem who interviewed him Wednesday on 98 Rock (WXTB-97.9 FM), and by some national media.
If this is all a prank, then on top of Billy's insensitivity to people who are suffering, I worry that the country is getting the wrong idea about our music scene.
My scene cred: I've been listening to local bands since my days at St. Petersburg's Gibbs High School (Class of '89). I even had my own band, Bullwinkle, in college. I could draw a timeline of the Tampa Bay area music scene, connecting all the bands and who played with whom, when, what that band morphed into.
You know who doesn't figure anywhere?
Billy Tourtelot.
ATTENTION AMERICA: Hell on Earth has nothing to do with our music scene.
I spent 20 minutes on the phone last week with a kind man from MSNBC explaining why I did not need to go on the air to give more publicity to a self-promoting, self-serving huckster.
Want to talk about Tampa Bay area talent? I'm more than happy to discuss Tampa's Ronny Elliott, heralded by hip magazines like the roots rock bible No Depression and Britain's Mojo. (Elliot performs tonight at Jannus Landing, opening for country-pop star Deana Carter.)
Let's devote Associated Press' resources to Joran Oppelt of the Pinellas County band the Gita. Oppelt and a passionate bunch of scenesters organized the upcoming Southeast Music Conference (Oct. 17-18), the first music summit of its kind in St. Petersburg. (By the way, Hell On Earth didn't register to be a part of that event, which features industry workshops, panels, and entertainment by local bands and national acts John Doe (of X) and Drive-By Truckers.)
Hell On Earth also had no part in Jeff Woodstock, last month's benefit for scene veteran Jeff Wood, a drummer who needs help paying his medical bills after emergency brain surgery. The benefit, organized by Martin Rice, bassist of Sparky's Nightmare, and his pals, featured more than a dozen local acts and raised more than $6,000. Joe Popp, whose band Dogs on Ice tied with Bullwinkle in 1991 for Best New Band from one local paper, flew in from New York to perform for his friend.
Three weeks ago, few other local bands had heard of Hell On Earth. "I don't know them," Natty Moss-Bond told me. "I don't know anyone who knows them." Moss-Bond sings for Sparky's Nightmare, and also is in the Nationals, Ronny Elliott's backing band. "I don't even know what their music sounds like," Moss-Bond said. "And the irony is, they'll be the ones to get a record deal from all of this."
So, is Hell on Earth's music any good?
The songs on this year's All Things Disturbingly Sassy sound like somebody listened to Black Sabbath and tried to duplicate those sinister riffs on expensive electronic equipment. For vocals, someone found Cookie Monster at a party and fed him way too many Frappucinos. Folks at the party no doubt taunted poor Cookie, got him frustrated, then put him in front of a microphone and let him go berserk.
Hell On Earth's song titles are "scary": My Angels Are My Demons, All Hallow's Eve, Super Villain. Get this: Vampire Christ. This was campy shock-rock fun when Alice Cooper pioneered it 30 years ago; now it's kind of dorky. Don't forget Witches' Brew; actually, Witches' Brew is the best song on the disc, and it's a dance track. Black Sabbath eat your heart out!
It's more than the music, Billy insisted Thursday on Good Morning America. He said Saturday's Web cast is a forum to allow his friend to die "with dignity."
I know all about dying with dignity.
(Note to Billy's friend: One month before I had to write the first Hell On Earth story, my mom chose to end her life. She had been suffering with ALS - Lou Gehrig's disease - and was in agony for three years. Finally, she decided to stop her tube feedings.
Her family and friends sat with her for days, reading her the Bible, Buddhist stuff, even a children's book, Little Miss Sunshine. Eventually, she slipped into a kind of coma and died quietly. You're free to do what you want to do, of course, but life is not a gimmick. My mom died with dignity and a lot of love around her, not with a camera in her face and My God Is Heroin pounding in her ears.)
Anyway, no one needs a guy who claims to make rat milkshakes to teach them about suicide, euthanasia and dignity. Billy, enjoy your 15 minutes.
And to all you Tampa Bay area bands that really deserve the attention, this will all be over soon.
- Gina Vivinetto is the Times pop music critic. E-mail her at gina@sptimes.com
