Traveling solo can open your eyes to the world, and yourself, in ways that traveling with others cannot.
By GINA GREENLEE
Published October 5, 2003
The first time I traveled solo, I was 16 years old. I was going only to a movie theater, but it was a decision that profoundly informed my adult life.
I had wanted to see the movie Orca, and none of my friends was interested. After agonizing for a couple of hours over missing the film, I thought, why not go alone?
That was 26 years ago. And I have been traveling solo ever since.
On that rainy Sunday, I realized that I might miss out on many of life's good times if I allowed them to be dependent on companionship. I also learned about the joys of spontaneity, and about freedom from having to negotiate, explain my needs and defend my choices.
Because of those realizations early in my life, I was able to go on my own to visit 21 countries across five continents during 2000. That trip, lasting from April to September, fulfilled a long-term dream.
Lest I be mistaken for a misanthrope, I also travel with friends. Much can be said for companionship on the road, for sharing impressions of and feelings about a place.
At the same time, solo travel offers a unique opportunity for an experience that is entirely one's own, not filtered through the perceptions of others.
There is virtually no arena of adult life in which we are not sublimating our needs and compromising with others every day. If we are parents, we put our children first. As employees, we wave our customers and bosses ahead.
Responsibilities, commitments and external demands that may not coincide with our personal rhythms often dictate when and where we eat, how long we sleep and the activities that fill each day.
This ability to consider and respond to the needs of others is a significant life skill that allows us to coexist harmoniously, on and off the road. But it is precisely because life is a multitude of daily negotiations - an interplay of wants and shoulds, yeses and nos - that we benefit from opportunities to break from obligation. We can give ourselves the time and attention to experience what we want, when and how we want it.
Carol Page, a public relations consultant in Massachusetts, has traveled solo to Europe, Latin America and North Africa, and she describes her experiences as wonderful.
Page was one of 70 respondents to a "solo travel" e-mail survey I conducted in 2002. She wrote, "When you're alone, you don't have to consult with somebody about every corner you turn. You can eat when and what you want, sleep when you want, and if you meet people that you want to spend time with, you're free to do that, too."
What Page likes most about solo travel is this freedom:
"If I had chosen to, I could have packed up and moved on to another place or gone home early. And I don't have to worry about meshing schedules with another person."
Kansas writer Jennifer Lawler is also a fan of solo travel. The martial arts expert and author of Dojo Wisdom: 100 Simple Ways to Become a Stronger, Calmer, More Courageous Person, (Penguin, $13) responded to the survey:
"I like how I feel when I travel alone - confident and in control. I like feeling intrepid when I travel in countries where I don't necessarily know much of the language, but I manage to get to where I want to go and do what I want to do."
Lawler, like Page, appreciates being able to "change plans without having to consult anyone or put anyone out."
Among the perceptions that prevent many from traveling by themselves are:
It's lonely.
Traveling without companions does not mean not interacting with others. Rather, when we travel solo, we are more attuned to our surroundings and aware of new people. We may become a magnet for kindred spirits, but we may also discover that the companionship we crave is found in ourselves.
Beth Gibbs, a yoga instructor in Connecticut, said, "The biggest benefit I've reaped from traveling solo is that I have significantly shaved away many levels of what scares me. Traveling alone now is liberating and full of wonderful potential.
"I learned that I could talk to (strangers) and spend large amounts of time alone without feeling like a failure. I also learned that I didn't need to be with someone else to know if what I was experiencing was fun, good or awful. . . . As I got in touch with my likes and dislikes, I learned that I can trust my judgment."
If I cannot speak the language or if I get lost, there's nobody to help me.
People across the Earth are eager to serve as ambassadors to visitors. Solo travelers may attract locals who want to serve as guardian angels.
During five months of globe-trotting, I received help from strangers the world over, including:
A teenager in Ubud, Bali, who, in the rain, gave me a lift on the back of his motorbike to an Internet cafe; a Parisian businessman in Tahiti who drove me to the dock to catch my freighter to Bora Bora; and a Cairns, Australia, bellhop who, after his shift, drove me to an all-night drugstore to buy seasickness medication before I boarded a catamaran to the Great Barrier Reef.
The kindness of strangers will bolster your faith in humanity.
There's nobody to help me with my stuff.
True. You will have to schlepp your bags into the public restroom and cart them with you if you step out of line at the immigration desk to pay your airport departure tax. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Years of solo travel have taught me to be more mindful about my belongings. With each trip, I'm better prepared and more skilled because I've learned how to be my own backup.
The biggest lesson of all is travel light. No matter the length, distance or style of the trip, I always carry one medium-sized duffel.
Solo travel need not be a mournful default but a joyful, often transformational, option that allows you to:
Honor your internal clock.
Indulge your preferences for food, itinerary and pace at will.
Stay longer, go farther or go in a different direction, just because.
Never have to explain, defend or ignore your moods.
Enjoy as much or as little solitude as you wish.
-Gina Greenlee is a writer living in Hartford, Conn.
