IT!

If winning isn't everything, what is?

Part one of two.

What exactly is "winning"? Last January, the Tampa Buccaneers won the Super Bowl. The Tampa Bay area was so excited because we finally had a winning team. I wondered what would have been reported by the media if we had not won that game. The Bucs would not have been the winners but they would have come in second place. I believe that would not have made the news even though it was the best season the Bucs have ever had. I guess that isn't what matters.

All week after that big event, our area celebrated because we were the champions, not because we had our best season ever. Something seems messed up with this phenomenon called winning.

When I played sports as a child, we were told the important thing was how we played the game. Sportsmanship and learning the rules were stressed and the scores were supposedly unimportant. I always questioned that when I observed the coaches with their clipboards. I wondered if secretly they were keeping score. I am fairly confident they were, since they always seemed to have an idea as to who had the best team at the end of the season.

When the players asked the coaches for the scores, they were told that was not what the game was about. It didn't take us long to figure out ways to keep the score. We would go back to the sideline after a point and mark it in the dirt. In our practices, I heard the coaches talk about comparing ourselves to ourselves and not to one another, but I noticed each week certain players played less and less. It was becoming very clear to me there was some sort of score keeping going on that we were not privy to.

I even knew the ranking of each of my teammates. It seemed to me that as the season drew to an end only the best players played the entire game. The rest of us rotated in and out. We always knew the winning and losing teams and players.

What we were told in the beginning was a myth. The score seems to be what is really important in life. The parents and coaches can say it's all about sportsmanship and improvement, but the truth is that it is ultimately about winning. When I accepted this as truth and dropped the myth about sportsmanship I started to have a new appreciation of the competitive system, but it hasn't been all good. When I compete I am fully aware of the differences in trophy sizes. Most people don't seem to care about which team or player improved the most or had the best sportsmanlike conduct.

So here I sit. I will probably not win any sport on a regular basis. Every once in a while I do come in first, but when I do I often don't get recognition. I want to believe it matters that I play fairly and I improve as I persevere, but as I get older, this is becoming harder and harder to believe.

I am re-evaluating my participation in individual and team sports. Is it really worth it for me to go out and practice consistently if I never get noticed? Is being a "fill in" important? Will I ever feel like I make a difference or will I always be lost on the bench or find myself supporting the star of the team?

I need to decide how I will deal with this winning and losing concept if I keep trying to be a team player.

- IT! Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen is written by Cecilia A. Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com

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