Off/Beat

Nine red hats but nowhere to wear them

I have nine - count 'em, nine - red hats and an untold number of purple dresses, slacks, blouses, jackets and skirts coloring my closet. My purple boa is shedding its feathers in my drawer and across my floor. Red flats and purple high heels share space with Reeboks and black sandals. Red and purple rhinestone jewelry, red hat earrings, bracelets and a watch vie for space with gold and silver in my jewelry chest.

And now I have no place to wear them.

Forget a tempest in a teapot. Citrus County has had a riot in a Red Hat. And, of course, I have to have my say.

I have resigned from the Precious Peaches, a chapter of the Red Hat Society. I did so because the chapter's Queen Mum, Betty Osborn, in my view over-reacted in defense of red hats and purple dresses when she "resigned" Inverness Mayor Joyce Rogers from the chapter.

To refresh your memory, if you really care: The Red Hat Society is a national social group of women age 50 and older who wear red hats and purple dresses to club functions. There are more than 100 chapters in Citrus alone.

On Oct. 17, the city of Inverness hosted a Red Hat Day for county Red Hat chapters. One event was a costume contest. Participants dressed in the style of The Great Gatsby, which was the theme of the annual Heritage Ball that would be held that night at the Historic Courthouse.

Rogers was one of two judges deliberating the style of the dressed up divas. The judges awarded first place to Melba Withrow, a Red Hatter from a Beverly Hills chapter, who wore a black flapper dress, cap pistol in her garter and a red hat.

Osborn was upset. She believed participants' costumes were supposed to include purple dresses and red hats - in keeping with the Red Hat Society uniform. City officials said there was no such requirement.

Osborn's take on the situation included returning her third place trophy and ousting Rogers from the Precious Peaches. Early stories quoted Osborn as saying that "everybody in her chapter supported her."

I'm part of "everybody" and, because I was unable to be part of the event, I didn't know about the controversy until I heard the laughter reverberating from the newsroom walls. But this is Citrus County, and things like this really are news.

I like Joyce, both as a person and as my travel agent. She's a pretty good mayor, too. And as a Red Hat sister, I think she was tops. And she had some great toppers - from UFO-styled super-wide brims to a hat redolent of a World War II GI's cap. Believe me, this lady can wear hats! Not everyone can.

So, taking all these important issues into consideration - my liking Joyce, my respect for her choice of hats, and the fact that having the mayor as a friend can't hurt - I e-mailed my resignation to Osborn.

Osborn responded, saying she had been misquoted. My take is that this is probably true. Trial by media.

In her favor, she admitted that she may have over-reacted. But she did reiterate that wearing red and purple is really the only rule Red Hatters are asked to follow. After all, the whole concept of the group is based on the poem by Jenny Joseph that reads in part, "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple, with a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me."

Osborn said she "was the one that met with the committee and asked the question if we could wear other colors and was told NO ... I felt I was standing up for everyone there and every Red Hat Lady that did not come because she did not have a purple, 1920s costume to wear!"

It seems obvious that misunderstandings occurred on several levels. And that's sad, because the Red Hat Society is really a fun thing.

As an admitted "old" woman of 61, I like the excuse to get prettified, to sample various fare during lunch at different restaurants, and to share some fun with other ladies who remember when TV was black and white; when sour cream, butter and heavy cream meant good eating; and that when something was "on the tip of my tongue" it meant almost remembered, not pierced.

But I still stand by my resignation. I think Joyce deserved better.

But now, the BIG question: What do I do with nine red hats?

EBay, here I come!

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