Don't worry, Larry Csonka, it's not going to happen. Rest easy, Bob Griese, the Chiefs aren't going undefeated. It's okay, Nick Buoniconti, because no NFL franchise will duplicate the '72 Dolphins.
I believe that, Garo Yepremian.
Charcoal your $25-a-pound steaks with a Hall of Fame smile, Don Shula, because the first Kansas City loss could happen as early as today in Cincinnati, even though the Bengals are 4-5.
Snap up the faith, Jim Langer.
Dick Vermeil has noted, "Of the last 13 teams who made it to a 6-0 start, eight would be beaten by an opponent with a losing record." K.C. is thinking about it, beginning with the coach.
Your old Fins are secure, Earl Morrall, as a 17-0 record is too much to catch. Stop sweating, Larry Little, because if the Bengals don't get the 9-0 Chiefs today, it'll be the Raiders (did I say that?) who overturn Kansas City next weekend, or San Diego the next, or surely the Broncos in Denver on Dec. 7.
Every waking hour, the redhats from Missouri are being reminded that they're "something-and-oh." Tapping on history's door. Attempting perfection.
Always, from media and boosters, the questions fly, asking "Can you do it?" and "Are you feeling the pressure?"
You know, Jake Scott, that Miami got several extremely fortunate bounces 31 seasons ago, and have the Chiefs not already played those wild cards with Dante Hall's game-breaking kick returns?
Have faith, Manny Fernandez.
Ice the Miami champagne, Paul Warfield.
Take a deep breath, Bob Keuchenberg.
The Perfect Season is yours, Mercury Morris.
- CHOP BLOCKS: You wonder, does Vikings coach Mike Tice have the will and/or the authority to discipline Randy Moss, as the NFL's most gifted player continues to opt (as he once admitted) to take "plays off," doing it last week in San Diego, barely moving after the football is snapped, even in a desperate final minute? ... Bob Stoops eased up against Texas A&M, not scoring in the fourth quarter of a 77-0 runaway, saying he subscribes to "being decent to people," so what might his old UF mentor, Steve Spurrier, have done with such an opportunity to go for a hundred? ... Good for Ol' Ball Coach, winning one against Seattle to get his Redskins to 4-5, but comparisons are harsh not only for Spurrier but also ex-Miami Hurricanes bosses Butch Davis (Browns) and Dennis Erickson (Seahawks, 49ers), as the three achieved a combined 236-56-1 at Florida universities but are 65-74 so far in the NFL. ... Simeon Rice guaranteed me I would win last night's lottery.
- Whatever happened to Bill Stanfill?
- POOCH PUNTS: It was good to hear Kellen Winslow apologize, using words that seemed from some University of Miami administrative quill, but I wish I didn't think the young, superbly talented, wonderfully competitive, disgustingly arrogant, horribly disrespectful tight end meant every offensive word he said. ... From what thread source do most jocks on NFL television shows get their dress suits, Brooks Brothers or Ringling Brothers? ... Maurice Clarett is showing how dear Ohio State is to him by skipping classes and flunking and, when he shows up, sleeping on desks. ... Bill Parcells and John Fox are my easy 1-2 November choices for NFC coach of the year, but the AFC is overloaded with leaders who deserve to be No. 1, with Vermeil, Bill Belichick, Jeff Fisher and Tony Dungy. ... MVPs? So far, mine are Steve McNair (AFC) and Stephen Davis (NFC). ... Deion Sanders can't do what Dan Reeves does, and Dan wouldn't want to do what Deion does. ... Remember, great players almost never become great coaches, which causes me to ask, who among today's 32 NFL leaders was best in a uniform? Reeves? Herm Edwards? Tice? Sparse pickings. ... Nineteen years after his wondrous Boston College completion in the Orange Bowl, isn't Doug Flutie still a joy at age 41? ... Jon Gruden looked madder on the sideline during all of last season's winning than during this year's losing.
- THE FINAL WORD: Gruden should track Parcells, asking his counsel, seeing how Tuna handles showoffs and goof-offs, then the Bucs coach could spend maybe 30 minutes of his 20-hour days working with general manager Rich McKay on changing 10-12 faces on Tampa Bay's aging roster before '04 kicks off.