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Gimme five

TALK OF THE TOWN

Five topics suitable for inane debate on talk radio:

FLAGGED FOR FALSE HOPE: It is not your imagination. This is the most undisciplined team Tampa Bay has known. Want to guess how a team goes from a Super Bowl to a losing record? By committing more penalties than anyone in the league. Tampa Bay has more penalty yards than all of last season. Not even the 0-14 Bucs were this bad. Those 1976 Bucs hold the franchise record with 62.5 penalty yards per game. These Bucs are averaging 79.2.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: We are duty-bound to inform you of the following: It is possible for the Bucs to make the playoffs. Since the playoffs were expanded in 1990, at least three teams (1994 New England, 1995 Detroit, 1996 Jacksonville) have had six losses after 10 games and rallied to reach the postseason. Furthermore, none of Tampa Bay's next five opponents has a winning record. Now, having fulfilled our obligation for complete disclosure, there is but one thing left to say: It ain't happening.

JUST SELL THE DAMN HOUSE: Keyshawn Johnson's agent called. He's miffed that Century 21 has not gotten enough bids for his client's house.

SLOW, BUT UNSURELY: For a team that was supposed to feel a sense of urgency, Tampa Bay appeared hungover. On their first 13 plays, the Bucs had a fumble, sack and three penalties. On the bright side, they gained almost 1.1 yards a play.

WITHOUT FAIL: The Packers get a 27-yard punt return that leads to a TD. They get a 56-yard kickoff return that leads to a field goal. Has there ever been a special-teams unit that so consistently contributes to losses?

Five ways to end the losing streak:

5. Make Kenyatta Walker wear Roman Oben's cast.

4. Nothing but onside kicks.

3. More passes to Warren Sapp.

2. Fire Tony Dungy.

1. Embrace the rock.

1. Cletidus Hunt is talking trash. The Bucs are going so bad they have to listen to boasts from somebody named Cletidus. The defensive tackle said the Packers would "break out" against Bucs.

2. Brett Favre left Raymond James Stadium in a good mood. Since the stadium opened in 1998, Favre had come to Tampa Bay five times and lost five times. He averaged 213 passing yards in the five losses. On Sunday, he threw for 92 yards and won.

3. A backup running back led the team in rushing. A waiver-wire pickup contributed the only turnover. A guard made his NFL debut. The punt and kickoff returners were replaced. The Bucs are going further and further into the depth chart and that's a sign of desperation.

4. Jon Gruden and Brad Johnson have lost faith in the offensive line. At least that was the implication from Sunday's play-calling. The Bucs rarely tried to stretch the field. The passing game was all quick drops and short patterns to avoid the Green Bay pass rush.

5. Martin Gramatica is attempting tackles.

Checking out the best bets for Super Bowl XXXVIII in Houston:

1. CHIEFS: Chad Johnson guarantees this column will end soon.

2. TITANS: In position to challenge Kansas City for homefield advantage.

3. COLTS: Nagging suspicion this team will fall apart in January.

4. PANTHERS: How do you spell destiny? D-e-l-h-o-m-m-e.

15. BUCS: Only Atlanta, at 0-5, has a worse record at home.

Stick a fork in them.