Male Menopause is out of the closet. At least that's what the headline said on an MSNBC news story I came across while surfing the Internet a while back.
According to Dr. John Morley, head of the geriatrics department at St. Louis University, Male Menopause, also known as Andropause or Viropause, is a very real condition. Morley, who is quoted throughout the article, says this is a serious problem for some middle aged men that is caused by declining testosterone levels and quite often leads to the purchase of or pining for a convertible sports car.
Okay, I'm kidding about the sports car.
Then again. ...
Now some of you might be thinking that with the state of the world these days, a little less testosterone might be a good thing.
It's not. This problem is so serious that Morley is looking for federal funding - up to $200-million - to study the long-term effects of treating middle age men with testosterone therapy.
The male menopausal symptoms, for those wanting to know, are low energy, low sex drive, problems with strength and memory, a susceptibility to weakened bones and general crankiness.
"And??" some of you might be asking.
Kind of sounds like the normal aging process to me.
What about hot flashes?
No.
Insomnia?
No.
Heart palpitations?
No.
Migraine headaches?
Nada.
Sporadic menstrual cycles?
Sorry.
The uncontrollable urge to throttle male menopausal guys who are obviously trying to steal your thunder?
Maybe there is something to it, but from my perspective it doesn't seem fair. After years of suffering with the monthly hormonal purges and all that goes with it, we women are entitled to have menopause all to ourselves, aren't we?
"It figures," said my sister, when I broke the news. "It's just like men to try to get in on something they think they might be missing out on."
Sounds a little outlandish, perhaps. Really, who in their right mind would want to hijack the traditionally female condition?
Those who have endured the competitive illness syndrome with their own partners know who.
You have a sore throat.
They feel like they swallowed an entire package of double-sided razor blades.
You have a touch of the flu.
They have it worse - so debilitating, in fact that they can't shower or lift anything heavier than the TV remote control.
You feel lousy but still see to the laundry, cooking, etc. because someone has to.
They curl up in the fetal position until the plague has passed and moan, and moan and moan.
The competitive illness syndrome got a little out of hand in my own household some years back when my peaked-looking husband announced he had caught the stomach virus I'd been contending with. Problem was, the stomach virus turned out to be another female condition called morning sickness. I was pregnant.
So pardon me if I seem a little skeptical when it comes to putting the "men" into menopause.
The way I see it, this can only lead to an onslaught of marital mood swing mania that will have couples everywhere vying for the lowest libido bragging rights.
So ... some of you are thinking, maybe there's an upside to this?
