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Rant, rave

These bozos have been brought to light ...

With Thanksgiving behind us and December beckoning, we offer a special holiday ensemble rant, the 2003 All-Rant team.

Dave Bliss, Jim Harrick, Larry Eustachy: Not a good year for college basketball coaches. Bliss' attempted conspiracy after Patrick Dennehy's death was sickening, Harrick treats ethics like kryptonite and Eustachy humiliated himself and his family.

Terrell Owens: Berating his offensive coordinator during a game? Even Keyshawn can't beat that.

Mike Price: The dream job opened doors. Price, upon being hired at Alabama, chose the door to the dance club, which led to an exorbitant room-service tab. Bad choice.

Kellen Winslow Jr.: Or is that Private No-Class Winslow Jr., sir!

Rick Neuheisel: Not a banner year for college football coaches, either. Neuheisel took part in a high-stakes NCAA Tournament pool, lied about it, then whined and cried about being fired.

Kobe Bryant: At best he made a bad choice. At worst he might have committed a serious crime.

Sammy Sosa: Now we'll always be skeptical.

Jeremy Shockey: 'Canes tight ends - all talent, no grace.

Maurice Clarett: An acute knack for doing really dumb things has put him on the fast track to a Lawrence Phillips-esque career collapse.

Let's give thanks for the good guys, those who kept us from being permanently jaded by those knuckleheads in the "Rant." Presenting the 2003 All-Rave team.

Maurice Cheeks: Has there ever been a more touching pro sports moment than Cheeks, the Trail Blazers coach who can't sing a lick, performing an impromptu duet with the young woman who brain-locked during the national anthem?

Chris Leak: One of the most remarkable freshmen in college football, ever. With the weight of Gator Nation and Ron Zook's job security thrust upon him, Leak coolly guided Florida on an improbable winning streak.

Jon Gruden: Helps bring a Super Bowl to Tampa Bay and rids us of Keyshawn. How about a Nobel Prize?

Mark May: Perpetuates the stereotype of offensive linemen as the smartest football players. May and his partner, Trev Alberts, provide the best tag-team commentary/banter in sports. Knowledgeable, personable, insightful - May is the total package for college football fans.

Derrick Brooks: On and off the field the Bucs linebacker continues to set the standard. An MVP award as the league's top defensive player and a Super Bowl ring are mere icing on a brilliant career destined to be outdone by his next career. Commissioner Brooks? Gov. Brooks?