Weather | Sports | Forums | Comics | Classifieds | Calendar | Movies
When we think of gifts we can give to people, it seems to me that sometimes the best thing we can bestow upon someone else is to simply listen to them.
While I was waiting for a prescription to be filled the other day, a man sitting across from me began, more or less, his life story. And a sad one it was. He told me of having been disabled for years, of living with his mother, and how neither was very well off physically, but they managed to help each other.
At first I felt a bit embarrassed listening to the intimate details of someone else's life, but slowly I realized that this man had a real need to explain himself. He was dressed fairly shabbily, and it was obvious that he was aware of his appearance. I realized, too, that he had smiled a bit as I sat down, and I had smiled and nodded back. At this point, he felt that maybe I would just listen, which I did. And somehow I felt that just having that one good listener lightened his burden just a bit that day.
Having worked in radio news at one time, I had tried very hard to always listen to others very carefully. I felt the only way I could ask intelligent questions of people was to really listen to what they had to say, rather than trying to think of the next clever question I could ask them. And through the years, I came to realize that really, truly listening to people is a real skill you have to work on. Unfortunately, it is something many people ignore.
So, in this holiday season, my wish is that more people simply begin to truly listen to each other. Nearly every sitcom on television seems to feature a cloddish husband who only pretends to listen to his wife. While this is supposedly funny, the underlying reason is not so funny. When you don't want to listen to your husband or wife, it means you don't respect them or what they have to say.
Similarly, not listening to your children, friends or other relatives can destroy those relationships, too. It takes a fairly unaware person to not tell the difference between feigned and real listening. And when they realize they are not being listened to, bitterness begins to set in.
Certainly, it takes patience to lend a kind ear, sometimes to someone who does not have something particularly interesting to say. The fifth time Uncle Harry talks about the best Christmas he ever had can be wearing on the ears. But remember, it must be important to Uncle Harry or he wouldn't repeat it over and over again.
And sometimes, if one can read between the lines, really listening can reveal important information. How many times have we heard that if a teenager even casually mentions suicide, we should take it seriously?
So during this holiday, it would be good for all of us to take some of our precious time to lend an ear. And when the New Year comes, perhaps one of our resolutions will be to tune in more and tune out less when other people talk to us and want us really to hear what they have to say.
Then, perhaps, we can truly understand the meaning of that popular Christmas carol, Do You Hear What I Hear? A little time. A slightly bent ear. Who would have thought so little could give so much?
- Douglas Spangler, a writer and former university administrator, lives in Palm Harbor.