And again and again and again. The Giebners say with all their experience why waste their retirement alone?
By DONNA WINCHESTER
Published December 24, 2003
Editor's note: To protect the children's privacy, only their first names are used in this story.
ST. PETERSBURG - Sandy Giebner strips the four boys of their socks and T-shirts and shepherds them into the pink ceramic bathroom. They assemble in the tub, from back to front: Seth, 31/2, Christian, 22 months, Shawn, 2, and Logan, 2.
She works Johnson's Baby Shampoo into Seth's blond hair, then soaps up his chubby body. She moves up the line, lathering Christian and Shawn's cocoa-colored skin. She laughs into Logan's azure eyes.
She gives the boys a few minutes to enjoy their bath toys - a green shark, a purple hippopotamus - while she goes to the sink and squeezes a line of toothpaste onto four toothbrushes.
Turning back to the tub, she lifts out Christian, perhaps 25 pounds wet, and dries him with a towel twice his size. Seth and Shawn are in a splashing match now. Logan is crying.
Without so much as a tut-tut, Sandy reaches for Logan while Christian climbs a chair at the sink, runs his index finger along his toothbrush and sticks the coated digit in his mouth. Sandy releases Logan, who heads for the sink, then extracts Seth, who is pretending to be a fish.
Logan grabs the toothpaste tube and tries to take off the cap. Christian has put his toothbrush in his ear. Sandy shoos the boys into the living room where her husband, Dick, is waiting to snap them into pajamas.
Four baths down, three to go.
Sandy and Dick Giebner, 60 and 64 years old, are raising seven children, none of them older than 4. One is adopted and six are foster children. The Giebners already have reared four of their own children and all of their four grandkids are older than Seth, Christian, Shawn, Logan, Tyler, Crystal and Travis.
So why would a couple in their retirement years choose to raise another family?
"We have more time now," Dick says. "And we have the advantage of being married to each other for 40 years."
* * *
Neither Sandy nor Dick came from large families. Sandy had a sister and a brother, Dick a sister and two brothers. They met as college students in upper Michigan in 1961 and married a year later.
Sandy gave birth to Norman, but when she couldn't get pregnant again, the couple visited an adoption agency. No children were available for permanent placement, but plenty of children needed temporary foster homes. Sandy and Dick brought home Annie in 1969.
Almost immediately, Sandy was pregnant with Carrie. The couple bought and restored a farmhouse in Linden, Mich., and grew their family. They adopted a 9-year-old Korean boy, Paul, and later 11-month-old Joel, who is Vietnamese.
Dick's employer, a lumber company, transferred him to Florida in 1989. Sandy went to work for the Children's Home Society. The agency ran a group home for infants and toddlers, exposing her to children in crisis. She and Dick took foster parenting classes and, when the home closed in 2000, they became foster parents to two children.
Sandy says with a smile: "It set off sort of a chain reaction."
* * *
Crystal came to them in August 2000 through Family Continuity Programs, a private agency that handles most foster care programs in Pinellas and Pasco counties. Two months later, they took in Tyler, then Seth.
Like many foster children, Crystal, Tyler and Seth, all 3 years old, have medical problems. Crystal's hearing is impaired and, as a result, her speech is developmentally delayed. Tyler was severely asthmatic as an infant. Seth has Down's syndrome.
But the Giebners nevertheless added Logan, Shawn and Christian in 2002. In June of this year, Logan's brother Travis joined the brood.
Other foster children have stayed with the Giebners for a day, perhaps a weekend. That's the way it is. In the past three years, 34 children have spent time in the Roser Park home. Sandy records their names in a notebook she keeps on a shelf in the kitchen. She also records when they came and how long they stayed.
* * *
Sandy and Dick receive a $369 monthly stipend for each child, but raising seven children is expensive, they say.
Groceries cost about $800 a month. Breakfast takes a dozen eggs. The family easily drinks a gallon of milk a day. Sandwiches require four or five loaves of bread a week. Six children are in diapers.
The electric bill runs $260 a month. Add another $380 a month for preschool.
"We're thankful that there are people at our church who will give us hand-me-downs," Sandy said.
Little money is left over for entertainment. On warm days, Sandy piles five of the children into a three-seater buggy for a neighborhood stroll. Tyler and Crystal walk alongside.
Dick takes them on field trips to Target, or the new Home Depot in Tyrone, which has shopping carts that look like racing cars.
The lack of money hurts less than the loss of freedom. Sandy and Dick rarely go out to dinner. They don't entertain. They took their last vacation, a train trip to Miami, in May 2002. There was supposed to be a trip last summer, but Crystal got sick.
"This isn't what I planned to do in retirement," Dick says.
Still, he loves watching the children learn new things every day. Sandy says her payoff is "just being able to cuddle" with them.
* * *
Earlier this year, Tyler's birth mother agreed to give up her parental rights. The Giebners asked Family Continuity Programs if they could adopt him. They worried that their age might be an impediment.
"One of the caseworkers was a single mom," Sandy said. "She was especially encouraging. She said, "If you've bonded with the child and you want to do it, go ahead and do it.' "
Tyler's adoption was final in July. Dick couldn't wait to tell Norman, their 40-year-old son, that he had a 3-year-old brother.
"He said, "You're going to be 80 before he gets out of high school,' " Dick said. "I told him, "We're going to be 80 anyway, so what's the difference?' "
Seth's mother also agreed recently to terminate her parental rights. His adoption is in the works.
More often, foster children come and go.
The Giebners' first caseworker warned them about getting attached.
"I told her we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't have a hard time with it," Dick said. "That's one of the hazards. You have to face the possibility of losing them."
"They're only ours for a short while," Sandy said. "You give your heart and soul to a child, but then you let go."
THE DAY (Assuming nothing goes wrong)
6:30 a.m. Sandy gets up and has breakfast.
6:45 a.m. The kids start waking up.
7 a.m. Sandy dresses Crystal, Seth, Logan and Tyler while Dick makes their lunches and starts breakfast.
7:20 a.m. Dick walks Crystal to her bus stop; Sandy wakes and dresses the other children.
8 a.m. Dick walks Seth to his bus stop.
8:30 a.m. Sandy takes Logan and Tyler to school.
9-10:30 a.m. Time for doctor's appointments, home visits to birth parents or neighborhood strolls in the buggy.
10:30 a.m. Sandy puts Shawn, Christian and Travis down for a nap.
11 a.m. Sandy starts making lunch.
11:20 p.m. Dick walks to the corner to meet Crystal's bus. Sandy gives her lunch.
12:15 p.m. Sandy picks up Logan and Tyler at school.
1 p.m. Sandy grabs lunch for herself - sometimes.
1-3 p.m. Time for caseworker visits, play.
3:30 p.m. Dick walks to the corner to meet Seth's bus.
3:45 p.m. Sandy starts dinner.
4 p.m. The family sits down to eat.
5 p.m. Bath time for all seven children. Dick does the dishes.
6 p.m. Dick gets the kids into their pajamas. They have playtime in the living room and watch children's TV shows.
7:30 p.m. Snack.
7:45 p.m. Bedtime.
8 p.m. Sandy and Dick pick up toys, vacuum the house and do laundry.
9 p.m. Sandy and Dick watch TV, read, pay bills.
10:30 p.m. Bedtime for Sandy and Dick.
Adopting a foster child
What is adoption?
Adoption is a legal action that transfers all parental rights to adoptive parents, making the adopted child a legal member of the family with all the rights and privileges of a biological child.
Who can be adopted?
Any child in foster care whose birth parents' parental rights have been terminated by the courts may be adopted.
How long does it take to qualify to become an adoptive parent?
The process to become an adoptive parent of a foster child includes background checks, Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting training and home studies. MAPP training runs 10 weeks. The entire process can be completed within nine months. However, even once all adoption requirements are completed, the length of time varies depending on whether there is a child free for adoption that is a good match for the prospective adoptive family.
Are adoptive parents licensed?
In Pinellas and Pasco counties, the lead agency that manages foster care and adoption is Family Continuity Programs Inc. FCP's philosophy is to recruit resource families that possess the capacity to love and care for children and who want to either foster, foster to adopt, or adopt children. All families are required to complete the same foster care licensing requirements and become licensed through the foster care system. It is then up to the individual family whether it wants to operate as a foster care home or as a foster-to-adopt home, or if it is interested only in adopting a child from foster care.
Is historical information about the child and his or her family provided to adoptive parents?
Yes. A child's history is provided, including medical information and foster care and developmental history.
What does it cost to adopt?
Florida does not charge for pre-adoptive training, home studies or placement of foster children in adoptive homes. The main costs associated with an adoption through Family Continuity Programs are court costs and attorney's fees, and these will be reimbursed by FCP and the state.
Once a child is adopted, is financial assistance available?
Yes. Children who are adopted receive monthly subsidies from the state, have medical coverage and are eligible to receive up to four years of college tuition exemptions at Florida universities, colleges and vocational training schools.
For information on adoptions, call Family Continuity Programs at (727) 451-3007.
ADOPTION BY THE NUMBERS
4,642: Number of children in Florida available for adoption in 2003
2,727: Number of children for whom adoptive families have been identified
138: Number of children adopted in Pinellas and Pasco counties last year
48: Number of adoptions finalized in Pinellas and Pasco since July 1
