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Just like that, the news of 2003 is so much bird cage flooring. But before tossing out that old stack of newspapers (to a recycling bin, of course), let's test our collective local news memory. See if you can spot any kind of truth in these queries from days gone by in Pinellas County.
1. Which of the following did Pinellas county commissioners decide to add to the county's water supply?
A. Mouthwash
B. Fluoride
C. Gin
D. Saltpeter
2. Which was chosen as the new name for the Clearwater Phillies?
A. The Roundabouts
B. The Strip Malls
C. The Threshers
D. The Seafood Newburgs
3. Which of the following didn't happen in 2003?
A. Largo police handcuffed and pepper-sprayed pajama-clad teens spooked by parents at a slumber party
B. A man walked into a bank, stripped naked, passed out on a couch and, when awakened, yelled: "This is the bar! Go away!"
C. A woman attempted to steal a diamond ring by swallowing it.
D. A runaway city golf cart mowed down spectators at Clearwater's annual Fun 'N Sun night parade, sending several to the hospital.
4. Why did Phillies great Mike Schmidt accept a job managing the Clearwater Threshers?
A: He needed the money.
B. He missed the game.
C. Because every baseball Hall of Famer yearns for an office on U.S. 19.
D. He needed a new gig after his contract as the Brawny paper towels model expired.
5. What disagreement landed Hooters and WingHouse in court in 2003?
A. A riot broke out after a local sports store ran out of cropped T-shirts and itty, bitty shorts.
B. A printing error mistakenly put Hooters Girls in the WingHouse calendar.
C. An argument erupted over which place offended more feminists.
D. Hooters thinks that WingHouse's chicken wings and sexy things concept strikes a little too close to home.
6. Millionaire rapper 50 Cent performed in Clearwater last spring. He left his fans wishing he had brought what item with him?
A. Another bulletproof vest
B. A watch
C. An NC-17 rating
D. Roget's Thesaurus
7. In 2003, the Oldsmar City Council decided to:
A. Allow coyotes on the trails of the Mobbly Bayou Wilderness Preserve.
B. Give the Lady Chablis a key to the city. "Oh, Mayor, the doll can't wait to bring her act to R.E. Olds Park," the transgender performer said.
C. Slow down motorists passing through town by adding a traffic control deputy.
D. Buy a replica of a 1901 Oldsmobile to give residents of Gull Aire Village a ride until a bus runs on Curlew Road.
8. Choose the best perk of Clearwater's new Memorial Causeway Bridge:
A. It will speed drivers more quickly to traffic jams at the beach.
B. It is infinitely more practical than a monorail.
C. For some condo residents, it will replace that unsightly view of open water with a more attractive view of asphalt and concrete.
D. It will keep all that pesky traffic away from downtown.
9. Of the following list, who doesn't have a special relationship with St. Petersburg College president Carl Kuttler?
A. Donald Duck
B. Russian President Vladimir Putin
C. SpongeBob SquarePants
D. Snoop Dog
10. How many words can be made by rearranging the letters in "Brian Aungst"?
A. Dozens, including: "A basin grunt"
B. Hundreds, including, "A turban sing"
C. Thousands, including, "I stung a barn"
D. We stopped counting after, "A ranting bus" and "Art as big nun."
11. Why did the county want to expand St. Petersburg-Clearwater International Airport?
A. So former city officials could stand on chairs at public meetings.
B. It would bring jobs and money into the county.
C. Secret plot to get people interested in county government.
D. Three Words: Albert Whitted Annex.
12. What did PSTA director Roger Sweeney do without the transit board's approval?
A. Took buses out for joy rides.
B. Gave himself a $3,000 bonus.
C. Pinched a pack of Nutter Butters from the vending machine.
D. Authorized an ill-fated trolley trip to Caladesi Island.
13. Before they changed their minds, why didn't the management at the new Clearwater Mall want public buses to stop on their property?
A. They are the evil stepchildren of Sauron from Lord of the Rings.
B. They didn't want bus drivers to use bathrooms at the mall.
C. Nobody rides the bus anyway, so why waste the parking?
D. They feared the buses would detract from the high-class image fostered by Costco.
14. An impostor on Clearwater Beach posed as what famous rocker, fooling people into buying him food and drinks?
A. Tiny Tim
B. Tony Orlando
C. Jimi Hendrix
D. Mark Tremonti of Creed
15. In order to attract the attention of a first-run movie theater developer, which Clearwater city official might just throw himself down a hole in the stands at the new city baseball park? (Hint: He has already practiced this stunt.)
A. Bill Horne
B. Bill Jonson
C. Frank Hibbard
D. Hoyt Hamilton
16. The bank robber who has been eluding local law enforcement after more than 30 robberies in a three-year period is known as:
A. The Band-Aid Bandit
B. The Thirsty Burglar
C. Mr. Kool-Aid
D. Sgt. Pepper
17. What will Oldsmar do with the money made from its new traffic deputy, who has written more than $70,000 in tickets in two months?
A. Buy an Oldsmobile for every resident.
B. Turn the Mobbly Bayou Wilderness Preserve into Florida's newest theme park. Named after the mayor, it would be called Beverland.
C. Pay the salary and benefits of the deputy first, then find a use for the rest.
D. Create a nationwide marketing campaign enticing tourists to visit the city. The motto: Hey, it could be worse, you could be visiting Pinellas Park.
18. Q: It took only eight minutes for:
A. Tarpon Springs city Commissioner Peter Nehr to lose 14 pounds.
B. Oldsmar City Council member Marcelo Caruso to be acquitted on burglary charges.
C. People to move through the line at the post office.
D. John Travolta to okay a deal to make Battlefield Earth 2, filmed on Honeymoon Island.
19. Of the following, who was quoted in the Times in 2003?
A. An Oldsmar crossing guard named Denise Hazard.
B. A Clearwater real estate developer named Alex D. Velop.
C. A cell phone dealer from Safety Harbor named Joe Motorola.
D. An Oldsmar resident who complained the lines at the post office are too long named Kenneth Speed.
20. Why did Commissioner Ken Welch work to ban fireworks in Pinellas?
A. He thinks they are dangerous.
B. He thinks they are loud.
C. He was traumatized by a childhood prank involving two cherry bombs and a whoopi cushion.
D. Sore about losing bottle rocket war at last commission retreat.
Answers1. B
2. C, a kind of shark, which unlike the other choices, is not actually found in Clearwater.
3. Sadly, all the listed events happened.
4. B
5. D. The lawsuit is about a technical thing called "trade dress" infringement.
6. Probably B, because the millionaire was hours late for his outdoor concert at Coachman Park.
7. C
8. A
9. As far as we know, C and D - but with Kuttler, you never can tell.
10. D
11. B
12. B
13. B
14. D
15. D
16. A
17. C
18. B
19. A and D
20. A