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CECILIA A. TUCKERSecond of two parts.
My search is about to begin because I have decided to be the one choosing my friends instead of waiting to be chosen. I see lots of advantages about being the one making the selections because, that way, I am in control of the kinds of people I will spend my time with.
I also like the fact that I won't feel rejected by waiting, even though I think there may be others I don't chose who may feel rejected (that would be assuming, of course, anyone would want to be in the group I get together for fun and friendship.)
I want a friend who will keep the things we talk about confidential. I don't really want someone who has a big mouth or uses what I say against me. I also want the person to care about their grades, but that doesn't mean they have to be straight-A student.
I think I want someone who has an okay relationship with their parents, because that's something I value and it would make things easier if we agreed on the parent issue. I want my friends' parents to like me, and my parents to like my friends, because I don't need the adults in our lives to have issues with the friendships we develop. This doesn't mean they will think my friends are perfect and are exactly what they would have chosen for me. It just means they are not opposed to them.
I want friends who, basically, stay out of trouble but at the same time, are willing to take some risks when we do things. That may be a difficult thing to achieve, but I am sure we can find safer risks to take that would not get us in trouble with the law or at school.
I want friends who are not boring and will not be afraid to make a decision and stand up for what they believe and want to do. I hate it when someone is asked what they want to do and they say "I don't know" or "I don't care." I don't want always to be the one to decide for the group because I would then feel responsible for the group having fun. I like group decisions.
I want friends who will be themselves and stop us if we are getting ready to do something really stupid.
I think my list is a pretty good one. These seem to be the main things that are important to me. Now I have to get the courage to start my search. I will start paying more attention to the people I like instead of wondering if they are paying attention to me. I will ask at least one person each day a few questions about themselves and see how they answer.
I will walk into a room with my head up and make eye contact with everyone I see and not be afraid someone will make fun of me. I will start with one person at a time, and I will eliminate no one based on stereotypes.
I will work on developing a relationship with one person each month and not push myself to have a "group" right away. This means by the end of my freshman year, I will have five or six people to do things with at school and over the summer.
I also will remind myself that other people have the right to chose to come and go in a group and new people will join us all the time. Today is Monday, and there is no better day to start my search.
- IT! Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com