Perhaps most other Americans are more rational than I am. You see, I tend to take most things personally, even the musty, abstract philosophical ideas, such as eschatology and positivism, that I studied in college.
So, then, although I am not gay and cannot imagine myself engaging in a homosexual act, I am personally, along with intellectually, offended by the current outbreak of homophobia surrounding the gay marriage issue.
This outbreak is driven by, among other things, raw hatred, ignorance, illogicality, irrational fear and, alas, crass election-year politics.
While an undergraduate at two historically black colleges, I had my first experiences with openly gay men. They were my classmates, study group partners and my friends. One was a fellow football player. Occasionally, one of them "hit on" me. When I told them to get lost - that I was interested in women only - they promptly got lost. But we remained friends, and we continued to study together and discuss books.
In graduate school in Chicago, I rented a three-bedroom apartment and advertised on campus for two male roommates. I chose a straight Meadville Theological Seminary student and a gay doctoral student.
I chose the gay student because, like me, he was studying Restoration drama and because I liked him the moment we met. He was a godsend. He was my brilliant mentor, my tutor. He introduced me to formal Judaism. And he was a gourmet cook, specializing in Mediterranean dishes. He and his lover went about their business, and my girlfriend and I did the same.
Ours was a relationship of mutual respect.
To this day, we still write to each other and talk by telephone. He is my soul mate, my friend. To this day, he still thanks me for probably saving his life.
He was leaving a tony cafe in Hyde Park one night when two men, one with a knife and the other with an iron pipe, came after him. Both were yelling "faggot," "freak" and other epithets.
Why I took that route this night to a friend's apartment to study, I do not know. But, there I was, walking along the sidewalk and suddenly seeing my roommate about to be attacked. I instinctively dropped my books and ran for the man with the pipe. I took a blow to the shoulder, but I managed to take the pipe from him and hit him in the face with it. As he went down, his partner stood facing me, the knife extended to attack. When other people gathered, he dropped the knife, and he and his pal ran away. They were arrested a few days later.
I will never forget that night - when I saw the full measure of homophobia's irrationality and its propensity to kill.
These attackers did not know anything about my roommate, except that he was gay. If they had known, would they have cared that he tutored black kids in nearby Kenwood, that he rarely lost a chess match, that he spoke English, Hebrew, French and German, that he loved his family, that his master's thesis had been published, that he knew the works of John Dryden inside-out?
Through the prism of their hatred, all these attackers saw was a skinny, bespectacled gay man alone on a dark sidewalk.
Yes, I take homophobia personally. I have openly gay and lesbian friends, colleagues and relatives.
My 59-year-old first cousin in Harlem, for example, has lived with the same man since 1973. A jazz pianist, he and his partner, a 61-year-old bass guitarist, have taught and inspired a generation of young musicians who have gone on to play in some of the country's best jazz bands.
I spoke with them about the current gay marriage tumult. Holding back anger, my cousin said that he and his partner would have married years ago if gay marriage were legal in New York.
"We love each other and, we're happy just like we are, but having something official saying we're married would make the whole thing better," he said. "And I don't care what anybody says, what we do up here in this brownstone doesn't have a damned thing to do with what people down in St. Petersburg do in their little trailers and condos. People should just leave other people alone. We don't bother anybody. We play jazz, go to Kenya every year for a month and mind our own damned business."
My sister - who is a lesbian and a devout Baptist - said that she wishes the Massachusetts Supreme Court had waited until after the presidential election to make its gay marriage decision.
"I'm scared to death," she said. "They just re-elected that George Bush."
My sister may be right. The anti-gay marriage forces are mustering their troops, and word is that a craven President Bush is leaning toward supporting a constitutional amendment that would disallow gay marriage.
Such an amendment would discriminate against a group of Americans. It would be the first of its kind. I would take an anti-gay marriage amendment personally.
