Weather | Sports | Forums | Comics | Classifieds | Calendar | Movies
It's party time.
As election season heats up, the Republican and the Democratic parties want you to believe they're the only parties in town.
But they aren't.
I know, state law allows primary elections for only the Republicans and Democrats. Obviously, as a state, we feel it will be vitally important for Democrats on March 9 to choose among the likely remaining presidential hopefuls still in the race: John Kerry, a U.S. senator, and Al Sharpton, a professional, umm, something or other.
But I'm for unlimited primaries. Let's include all the parties.
According to the Pasco County Supervisor of Elections Office rolls, there are lots of parties, not just two. At last count, voters in Pasco have registered at one time or another as members of 135 political parties, and as of this month, 93 of them still have at least one member.
Hey, if you don't find one you like, make one up. You could win your own primary!
According to the elections office, members of the Redneck Party in Pasco this year outnumber members of the Rainbow Coalition seven to one.
Both are actual parties voters have listed on their registration cards in Pasco County.
The Greek Party claims two members. And the Keggr Party claims one. If those parties get control of the Legislature, I'll have one word for you: toga.
The government might not run a lot better, but at least we wouldn't care.
The Marxist Party has only one member. To quote Karl Marx, "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." Or was that Groucho? Which one had the mustache?
Although at one time we did, we no longer have anyone registered in the Faith and Patience, Peace and Freedom, Honest, Moralist or Moderate parties.
Some might blame a decline in values.
On the plus side, we no longer have anyone registered in the Anarchist, Nazi, Revolutionary or Anti-Human parties.
So maybe things aren't as bad as they seem.
Melba Hamilton, chief deputy to Supervisor of Elections Kurt Browning, said her office doesn't endorse any parties. Voters register their own preference.
That preference finds a home on line 13 of the voter registration form: "Party Affiliation (check one only)" is followed by boxes labeled Democratic Party, Republican Party, No Party Affiliation and "Other (print party name here)."
"Other" is where a voter wrote "George Wallace."
It's where the Fascist Party got a member. It's where the KKK Party got two.
Same for the Puppy, Fish, Brown Cow and Monkey parties.
The Prolife Party has a member. But so does the Pro Choice Party.
You have to wonder about the 104 voters who stepped up to the plate and wrote in "Undecided."
They didn't just check off "No Party Affiliation."
They wanted to join something, they just weren't sure what. Perhaps they didn't like the two choices offered. I say, print the full slate, like a wine list.
One could chose among (again, actual parties Pasco voters have listed): Ultraconservative, Rationalist, Neutral, Independent Moralist, Conservative Liberal, Liberal, Socialist or Communist parties.
One voter is a registered Repubocrat.
And six voters like the Whig Party.
The Whigs tasted victory in 1840, electing William Henry Harrison president. He caught a cold at his inauguration and died a month later.
The Whigs tried again in 1848, electing Zachary Taylor president. After 16 months in office, he got sick and died.
Probably healthier to stay away from the Whigs.
The United Gamers of America sound like a fun lot. So do the Motorcycle Riders; there are six of them registered.
And there's always the Birthday Party.
So many choices.
If I don't sign up as a member of the Holiday-Elfers Militia (one registered voter), maybe I'll just go with my gut: The Reform Silly Party of FL.
That, or the Cheese Doodles.