Indomitable teen

I'll turn faith into example: Part 2 of w

So, what must I do to fit in and find a place where I can be myself? I am not going to a private school because that will just postpone the issue, not solve it. People in the real world are not sheltered from the harsh reality that most folks don't seem to live by God's standards. If people do believe in God, they may not want anyone else to know about it.

I don't want to associate only with other "God people," because I like lots of other people. Truthfully, I don't fit in with some of the other believers, and that is a problem, too. It seems I am not religious enough for them.

I know there are other people like me at school. I won't place an ad in the school paper, but I do need to be more aware of people like me versus people not like me. This might a good place for me to start. It is so much easier to find differences at my age because I am so insecure and always wondering what other people are thinking about me.

Looking for other people who seem to be following similar guidelines as mine could even be fun. I never gave much thought to others who might be in my predicament. Maybe I have noticed differences only, and that made me feel isolated.

Once I find other people who are like me, what will I do and expect? I think I will first feel more relaxed about being me. I hope we don't become an excluding group of "God people." If the others I find are like I am, we will spread the good news about God simply by our actions: being loyal, truthful and finding good in others even when they try to put us down. At least we will have support when we get hurt. Right now, when that happens I feel all alone and rejected.

I know I sound unrealistic, so don't tell me that. Here is what I would like to be able to do. Maybe if just a little good comes out of me and others like me, someone else will want what we have.

Truthfully, my faith carries me most days, no matter what happens. Maybe it is only a childlike faith, but that is what we are told we always should have, even when we grow up. I want to be a good person not because I am afraid I will die soon and go to hell (if there is one). I want to be a good person because I feel better about me.

I don't like having undiscovered secrets in my life. I don't like always looking over my shoulder to make sure I am not going to get caught when I do something wrong. I don't like going to bed at night and having trouble sleeping because of a guilty conscience. Others might think I am a bit weird and different for believing, but it works for me.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I haven't always had this faith, and I am not going back to the way I used to feel just to fit in. I can't imagine anyone wanting to feel those feelings I just talked about all the time. My faith in God has saved me from myself, and I am grateful every day. So, what will I do? I will keep being me, knowing others may want what I have found and join me as I live out my understanding of God's love.

- IT! Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com

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