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So, Johnny Cash's family says it won't let his Ring of Fire be used in a commercial for Preparation H.
A producer for a Fort Lauderdale TV production company got the idea when she heard the song on the radio while feeling the burn from a hemorrhoid problem. One of Ring's co-writers, Merle Kilgore, thought the proposal was "kind of funny" and allowed his recording of the song to be used in an ad.
When Cash's children found out, they were furious. Not only did Cash record the song, its other co-writer was his wife, June Carter Cash. Both died last year.
"We would never allow the song to be demeaned like that," Johnny's daughter Rosanne Cash, also a respected singer-songwriter, told Nashville's Tennessean. "The song is about the transformative power of love."
Once we got over our surprise at someone still having standards in the music business, we thought the production company might be in need of a new song. As always, Sideshow is here to help. Because we can be as tasteless as the next person, we have some suggestions, most of them songs we're sure are controlled by people so desperate for money that having standards has never entered their minds.
Disco Inferno: "The heat was on . . . Burn baby burn." It's from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. What better way to sell something to people hitting the prime years for medical problems?
Burning Love, Elvis Presley: "I feel my temperature rising/Help me, I'm flaming." And speaking of people with dubious standards, Lisa Marie would probably even sing it.
Go for the Burn, Toni Basil: Who cares what the words are. It's probably catchy. It's from the woman who did "Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind . . ."
Slow Burn, the Doobie Brothers: "It gets so hot/You think you're goin' blind." David Bowie and Peter Gabriel also have songs with this title, but they would be more mortified than the Cash family to be involved in this.
Burnout, Green Day: "I'm burning up and out and growing bored." More age-group marketing: promoting hemorrhoid relief for the aging Gen Xer.
And . . .
I Burn for You, Sting: He has standards but a sense of humor. He doesn't need the money, but he can donate it to his rain forest charity.