Vitamin D can reduce the occurrence of multiple sclerosis in women by nearly 50 percent. That's an impressive statistic. Vitamin D, of course, is the sunshine vitamin, but sunshine is the very thing that will make skin cancer blossom if I'm not careful.
What can I do to promote good health and longer life? Vitamins and supplements. So every morning I greet the day with a glass of orange juice and a handful of pills.
About a year ago, I read that if I increased my magnesium intake it would help with my restless legs among other things. (That was before all you lovely readers told me what would really help.) I purchased a magnesium supplement and took it religiously, but that only gave me chronic trots.
The government announced that the supplement ephedrine, which has been used for weight control or to enhance athletic ability, could kill you. So I tossed that supplement.
I also hear zinc helps stave off colds. I suck on those little lozenges whenever I have a tickle in my throat. Who knows? Maybe they work. I have always relied on vitamin C to keep colds (not to mention scurvy) away.
Not wanting to fall and be unable to get up, I take a calcium supplement. No osteoporosis for me.
Dr. Atkins tells me that carbohydrates will make me fat and that pork rinds are a good substitute for macaroni and cheese. I hear that farmed salmon contains unacceptable levels of PCBs, a known carcinogen.
And then there's Mad Cow - to be entirely safe I should avoid beef. But the growth hormones in commercial chickens and pigs are another story.
I enjoy a food show on National Public Radio every Sunday and recently a chef said that eating "raw" is not only healthful but also delicious. I have never been fond of sushi, but he claims I can make butter out of nuts, marinate all kinds of raw things until they're edible and, if I follow his regimen, I will never miss fine French food, pizza or even mac and cheese.
Why would I drool over a rutabaga that's been marinating in the fridge for three days? The best thing I can do with a rutabaga is practice my softball slow pitch into the garbage can, where it can keep company with the haggis and the eggplant.
My appetite is smaller than it once was. Two meals a day suits me, but I'm sure I don't eat enough dark green, leafy vegetables. I do have the uneasy feeling that I'm being brainwashed by the purveyors of all these supplements.
When I'm feeling particularly rebellious, I consider lions, sharks, pandas, howler monkeys and tortoises.
Tortoises live to be very old. They're not known for their dietary variety or vigorous exercise. Okay, they don't smoke or drink wine, but even if they had bad habits they would probably live longer than I will.
Lions live on (very) red meat. Howler monkeys eat a lot of mangoes and papayas. Pandas eat bamboo exclusively. Sharks are gobbling up other fish that are probably chock-full of PCBs.
I'll bet they don't gag on their morning pills. Life would probably be simpler and healthier if breakfast, lunch and dinner consisted of just bamboo.
- Write to Sheila Stoll c/o Seniority, the St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.
