I am staring at the NCAA brackets and, for some reason, I am thinking about Elvin Hayes. Elvin would have loved these brackets. Also, Artis Gilmore.
There was a time when you looked at the NCAA brackets, and all you saw was which order opponents were going to wind up as goo under UCLA's toes. UCLA owned this silly little tournament, largely because only nine other teams actually had a hoop, and none of them had a guy like Sam Gilbert, whose roll of hundreds was exactly the same size as a basketball.
Now UCLA is staying home because of a technicality. As in, technically, the Bruins finished 11-17 and barely finished in the top 10 of the Pac-10.
How bad were things at UCLA? Put it this way: The school is in the middle of a controversy where someone has been selling off body parts of cadavers. Two of those cadavers were in UCLA's starting lineup.
No Indiana.
Now wait a minute. Wasn't it, like, the day before yesterday when everyone was pounding Mike Davis on the back and telling him what a good little general he was? Actually, it was two seasons ago, when a scrappy little Hoosiers team made it to the national final.
These days, you couldn't find Indiana with sonar. The Hoosiers were 14-15 this season, their first losing season since 1969-70.
That's bad enough, except for this. One of the guys who didn't miss the tournament was named Bob Knight. Think that won't get noticed a little bit around Indiana, where some fans still haven't turned off the porch light just in case old Bob comes home.
Put it this way: I once received an e-mail from a Knight fan in Indiana who was still gnashing his teeth over his dismissal. The e-mail? It was two weeks ago.
This is the point. Sometimes, you can judge how good a party you have been invited to by the other people who are there and, sometimes you judge by the people who were left out.
Such is the cool meter of the NCAA Tournament. During North Carolina's down time, the Final Four did just fine. When Houston went from national prominence to a bunch of guys named Ned, the Final Four survived.
Still, you can't help but wish a few familiar faces were still around.
No Temple.
Once, you could count on two things in the NCAA Tournament. One is that John Chaney, my all-time favorite coach, was going to be there. Two, he was going to spend the next couple of weekends pulling off his coat, jerking off his tie, pulling at his shirt. Watching Chaney was like watching a bed unmake itself. Now Temple is off to its third straight NIT appearance. Good luck, John.
No Rick Majerus.
Sometimes, it's difficult to feel the pain of college coaches. They make too much money, they have too many assistants and they spend too many days trying to make a relatively simple game sound complex. There are world leaders who don't take themselves as seriously as some basketball coaches.
Still, it's a difficult way to make a living. If you don't believe me, ask Majerus, who had to retire at Utah this season because of health concerns. When you think of other coaches who have had health concerns (Bob Huggins, Mike Krzyzewski), maybe you can understand the difficulty of the task.
That said, can we please get rid of the Nike lapel pins?
No St. John's.
Silly me. I thought St. John's had made a great hire in Mike Jarvis. Instead, he was fired six games into this season. Jarvis was a real underachiever, all right. He was only 49 games over .500.
No Georgetown.
For years, there was something fearsome about Georgetown. The Hoyas always had a great big man, and they always played vicious defense, and they always seemed to wear T-shirts under their jerseys.
That all changed when John Thompson left the room. The Hoyas haven't been a big deal in some time. These days, they aren't even a little deal. Even the NIT won't return Georgetown's calls.
No FSU.
Those early season victories over North Carolina and Wake Forest? They made you think the Seminoles were a little better than they are. Don't worry. The previews to Daredevil made you think the same thing.
No Georgia.
From what I understand, it's just as well. It's exam week. Quick, guys: How many teams in the 65-team bracket?
No Colorado.
What? With all the parties and women, Colorado couldn't recruit enough players to get in the field?
No Christian Drejer.
Instead of being an overrated player at Florida, Drejer is somewhere on a bus on his way to Madrid. Good luck.
No Kwame Brown.
Instead of being an underachieving player at Florida, Brown is a pro player for the Washington Wizards. Not that you'd notice.
No LeBron James.
Poor LeBron. He could be somewhere now, trying on foam fingers and getting ready to play on national TV. Instead, he'll only earn about nine kajillion dollars over the next three weeks. Ah, the kid doesn't know what he's missing.
No Michigan.
If a team wants a timeout it doesn't own, it's going to have to provide its own overrated, overpaid player to call it.
No Carmelo Anthony.
He should be a sophomore this season. If he was back, do you think Syracuse might be more than a No.5 seed?
No Utah State.
Sure, the Aggies were 25-3. But it was a weak 25-3.
