The Episcopal deacon who ministered to others at All Children's dies in a crash that critically injures his wife.
By NORA KOCH
Published March 16, 2004
Deacon Jim Graves loved his work as a hospital chaplain, ministering to sick kids and their families at All Children's Hospital. Equally at ease wearing biker leather, he had an uncanny ability to bring others to peace in the midst of tragedy.
On Sunday, the man who was at his best comforting strangers in their time of need was killed in a motorcycle wreck in Largo.
Graves, 55, was driving his 2003 Harley-Davidson bike with his wife, Betty, on the back, when the Palm Harbor couple were struck on Clearwater-Largo Road by a Ford Bronco at about 2:30 p.m. The driver of the Bronco had stopped at a stop sign on Fourth Avenue NW and proceeded across the intersection, but didn't see the bike, police said.
James Graves was killed upon impact, Largo police Officer Ryan Dulski said. Elizabeth Graves, 53, was flown to Bayfront Medical Center, where she was in critical condition Monday. Neither was wearing a helmet.
Graves' death has turned the tables in his office at All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg, where he was the director of pastoral care. Sunday's news was a particularly hard hit for Dave Gerber, the administrative director of patient and family services at the hospital. He was Graves' boss and best friend for more than two decades.
"We're usually the ones to take the lead when a crisis hits the organization," Gerber said. "And me, specifically, I'm the one usually on the forefront of it. And I just can't do that."
Graves joined the staff at All Children's in 1998 as a chaplain, and took charge of the department in 2000. On a daily basis, Graves was an administrator, helped with policy and procedure and worked face-to-face with patients and families.
He was in his element in the job, at his best when he was working with the family of a child who was dying, or had just died, Gerber said. To comfort parents, he often quoted Matthew 19:14: "Jesus said: Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them."
"He wanted to help families understand what little tiny chunk of peace could be found, and use that little tiny peace to begin their healing process," Gerber said.
For Nancy Wilsey, a foster care mother who takes in children with medical problems, Graves had been a counselor, a confidante and a friend to lean on for years. Because many of her foster children have severe medical conditions, she is frequently at All Children's and has endured deaths and difficult sicknesses.
Each time, Graves was there for her. When a 3-year-old boy died of complications from a brain infection a few years ago, Graves came and found her as soon as he heard.
"We laughed over the funny things; I cried over the bad things. He was telling me that my baby was in a much better place," Wilsey said.
Always, he would give her his undivided attention for as long as she would need, listening, and responding in his steady voice, she said.
Graves was born in Baltimore in 1949. He graduated from Syracuse University and later earned an MBA and doctorate in business. For a time, he was a police officer in Norwalk, Conn., according to the Episcopal Diocese of Southwest Florida.
He and Betty, a parish nurse at Holy Trinity Episcopal Church in Clearwater, were married in 1971. The couple have two grown sons.
In 1991, Graves was ordained an Episcopal deacon. He was assigned to All Saint's Episcopal Church in Tarpon Springs and continued his work as a salesman.
In 1998, he gave up "frankly, a very lucrative business career to turn to the ministry," Gerber said, and was reassigned to the hospital as a full-time chaplain.
Meanwhile, Graves cultivated his love of vintage cars, fast cars and motorcycles. He went to Daytona Beach for Bike Week, rode to Milwaukee for a Harley celebration and decorated his office at All Children's with motorcycle memorabilia.
On Monday, Gerber said many staffers were having a hard time, angry and saddened by the motorcycle decorations that adorn Graves' office.
Charges are pending in the accident, said Officer Dulski, traffic homicide investigator for the Largo Police Department.
The Bronco that struck the couple was driven by Joseph Reed, 17, of Belleair Bluffs.
After the crash, Jim Graves and his bike slid into a Dodge Ram that was stopped at the other side of the intersection.
Police said the motorcycle was going 40 mph, the posted speed limit.
For Gerber, there is some solace: Graves "died doing something he loved with the person he loved."
