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TAMPA - One 32-ounce bottle of Budweiser apparently wasn't enough to quench James E. Valentine's thirst.
So shortly before noon Thursday, police say, the Plant City man took another three quarts of Bud from a cooler at the 7-Eleven at 10815 N Nebraska Ave. - and stuffed them down his khaki pants.
"Thirty-two ounces, that's a quart, and he had three of them down there," said Cpl. Larry McKinnon, a longtime police officer. "I don't know where he thought he was going to go."
Not very far, it turned out.
Store manager Prince Tanoukhi noticed Valentine walking out with the 32-ounce Bud in his hand and tried to stop him. Perhaps forgetting his precious cargo, Valentine started kicking Tanoukhi, police say.
"He's kicking the manager, and the bottles fall out of his pants and break all over the floor," McKinnon said Friday, trying to stifle a laugh.
Valentine ran outside and approached the car of a female customer "like he was going to carjack her," McKinnon said. "Of course, she drives away and leaves him standing there."
That was when McKinnon drove up. Valentine took off running. A police helicopter found him a block away, "but he just kept fighting it," McKinnon said. "I had to tackle him."
As if his hole wasn't deep enough already, Valentine gave police a false name, identifying himself as Clarence Valentine, his brother, McKinnon said.
"Then a few minutes later, he starts mumbling in the backseat, saying "Hey, I'm James Valentine.' So this is like the world's dumbest criminal."
And a busy one. Valentine has been arrested 11 times since 1999.
Valentine faces charges of armed robbery, burglary, grand theft, driving with a suspended license and giving a false name. He is being held in the county jail without bail.