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Gays are scary people.
Not the gay next door who provides for his parents and carpools his nieces to day care. Or the fellow who fixes my car. Or the lady who cuts my hair.
It's only the media-hyped homosexual that makes me cringe and withdraw. Those clusters of erotic exhibitionists captured on camera for our viewing displeasure. Scurrilous straights cause me discomfort. But vulgar gays make me ashamed.
Harvey Fierstein is impatient with people like me. He calls us "leeches" sitting silent on the sidelines while proud gays pave the way to equal rights for the majority of us "slackers."
I like Harvey a lot. I admire and respect him for his courage and integrity. I think he's a superb actor and writer, and a fine role model. He gives gays spirit.
But I don't think he understands that most gays don't want to be enslaved by the duplicities of straight society. We don't want to clone our ethics, or edit our emotions, or conform our lives to any corrupted concept of happily ever after.
If I could sit down with Harvey Fierstein, I'd tell him I've been hopelessly devoted to the same woman for 34 years. But we wouldn't wed. Not even if his equality efforts make that right a reality.
Because love is our legacy. Not marriage.
We aren't joined by dowry, arrangement, prestige or necessity. We aren't bound by license, law or nuptial contract. We don't stay together for the sake of religion, parents, children, social stigma, economics or expediency.
We're connected only by love. It is the code of our culture. And since love is holy, what we have is sacred.
I'd remind Harvey that liars, cheats, thieves, adulterers, rapists, racists, drug dealers, arsonists, spouse abusers, child molesters, terrorists, murderers, bigots and even those who commit crimes against humanity can enter a house of worship, or courtroom, or office of notary public and be legally married in America, as long as it's male to female.
By accident or design, that's what marriage means. That's what changing the Constitution of the United States will preserve.
But it won't prevent gays from marrying.
Because a gay man can marry a gay woman in any institution of choice and be sanctioned while living separately, till death do they part.
Such toy marriages have existed in vast numbers throughout history and will continue to multiply for the purpose of altering perceptions and obtaining benefits.
So, I'd assure Harvey that (although the alleged gay agenda seeks to stir us into the debauchery of that marriage melting pot) wedlock isn't the priority of our majority.
It isn't even our dream.
Our culture is just more valuable, valiant, imaginative, romantic and hopeful than that.
I'd tell Harvey we dream of the day when gay men, who have the highest rate of disposable income in America, stop wasting their resources on purchasing the promise of eternal youth and utilize it to create safe havens in the heartland instead.
We imagine gay doctors, nurses, therapists and health care officials leaving hospitals to join forces to build medical centers. Gay lawyers combining talents to establish legal firms. Gay singers and comedians backing gay-owned and -operated restaurants and nightclubs. Gay athletes creating gay health clubs. Gay financiers building banks. Gay actors starting theaters. Gay educators forming charter schools. Gay religious leaders developing denominations that embrace our people and interpret ancient text in the spirit of divine law.
We dream of gay enterprises with sufficient job opportunities in place, so on a designated day, gays can end their military allegiance by exiting the armed services en masse to new careers.
I'd question Harvey as to the purpose of new laws, when the constitutional law of equality hasn't been upheld, guaranteeing life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as inalienable.
I'd wonder aloud why we continue to chase after a culture that doesn't rise to the talent and tenderness of our own. Why we insist on being accepted by those who haven't earned our respect. Why the blessing of love isn't regarded as its own reward. And why we must diminish the sanctity of ourselves by kowtowing to those who quietly curse us. Finally, I'd extend my arms in friendship to Harvey Fierstein, asking his pardon on behalf of all leeches. Because I think he understands we hold these truths to be self-evident. That civility follows the crowd. That courage follows the heart. That virtue makes equality obsolete.
And that straights are scary people, too.
Marguerite Quantaine is an essayist living in Florida.