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In seven years with three kids we have celebrated 13 birthdays. Themes ranged from a day on a north Tampa farm to hula dancing in the living room with a true Hawaiian instructor.
Our first real foray into the world of juvenile birthday parties was when my oldest daughter turned 3. We threw a joint party with two friends who shared birthdays within days of hers. It was a circus theme with a cotton candy machine, popcorn, clown, games and lunch. And cake. And ice cream.
And in case that somehow wasn't enough entertainment and fun we threw in a "party bounce" resembling a circus tent.
The other two mothers and I made invitations shaped like a circus train out of construction paper. We cut out tiny openings for the bars and wrote the party time and place on a little lion that slid in and out of the cage. Since we hadn't quite lost our minds after cutting and gluing all those we also made cupcakes iced with animal faces made out of Oreos, jelly beans, marshmallows and licorice.
Yes, it was over the top. Over the big top. But I like doing creative stuff, the costs were split three ways and my daughter had an amazing day. Still, I decided to tone things down for our next party when my second daughter was turning 2.
Two-year-olds love to make noise and march. So I invited kids from the neighborhood over to make maracas out of plastic jars, buttons and beans. They decorated plastic top hats with streamers and stickers. Then we were going to wear the hats, play the maracas and march down the sidewalk with Charlotte, the birthday girl, leading the band.
But when I tried to gather them up to head down the sidewalk, nobody came. They were busy marching and playing in the kitchen, the living room, on the patio and in the back yard. I raised my cheerful voice to a yell: "All marching band members report to me. It's time to go."
Nobody, not even the birthday girl, budged.
"They're really having fun here. Maybe we should just skip it," my naive husband said.
"No we will not skip it," I hissed. "The whole point of the hats and maracas is so they can line up and march together. They'll love it if they can just get with the program."
After all, they had all received, with ample two weeks' notice, the invitation stating: "Make instruments with the friends you will meet, then we'll follow Charlotte the bandleader as we march down the street."
Didn't their presence at the party mean they accepted all of the terms of the party?
It took a while and there might have been some whining. But finally we did march down the street and were back in the house in less than five minutes. I think all the guests were glad that they had stayed on task and met expectations.
I am not alone in my lapses of reason. Many parents, especially mothers, lose touch with reality when it comes to birthday parties. I think much of the reason is we really do want our kids to have a great day that they'll always remember. And, truth be told, plenty of parents want to make sure their kid's birthday is as fun as the other parties he's been going to.
And then there are those who not only compete with people they know but also with total strangers they see in magazines. These are the perfect moms throwing parties for 2-year-olds with place cards written in calligraphy, cakes nicer than the one I had when I got married and goody bags with personalized, clear jars of bubbles tied up in pink organza ribbons.
If parents want to go all out for their kids they should be allowed to without cynics like me complaining. I would like to state for the record, however, that I detest goodie bags.
My kids, like countless others, are intent on getting them and giving them. Unless you spend a ridiculous amount of money, goodie bags are just a bag of junk.
Several years ago I wrote about a small town outside Minneapolis that boycotted teams that required multiple after-school practices. I would move to any town that would boycott the giving and receiving of goodie bags.
When my daughter turned 7 we threw our cheapest and easiest party yet. Believe it or not it was a slumber party. Olivia's one request was to have a fortune teller. Determined to go low cost and low maintenance this time, I called on a friend of ours who is very funny and great with kids. I rented a black cape for $15 and borrowed a miniature glass ball on a stand from another friend. (It would be even easier to have the fortune teller wear a bathrobe and gaze into a fish bowl turned upside down.)
When I sent the invitations I included a questionnaire for parents only asking them to share personal information about their kids such as what they want to be when they grow up and the name of their favorite stuffed animal. My friend studied the respective responses briefly before he told each girl's fortune but pretty much told them anything fun and mysterious that popped into his mind. The girls loved it.
After that we ordered two pizzas, took them out for a milkshake, came home, cut the cake and watched a video. My 5-year-old daughter was recently one of just two girls invited to go out with our next-door neighbor, Julia, for her birthday. They went to Tyrone Square Mall to ride the merry-go-round, ate Chick-fil-A for lunch then had ice cream. They went in the Disney Store to play around together but didn't buy anything.
She says it was "the most funnest" birthday she has been to. Translation: Having an adventure with three friends can be more fun than getting lost in a loud crowd with clowns, balloons and ponies.
Here are a few other ideas for low frills, low cost birthdays that will still give your child a great day to remember:
- A friend of mine invited all her son's friends over one afternoon and had the ice cream truck there. Each child got to order anything they wanted then they all played in the yard. She even handed the invitations out the day of the party so nobody had time to get a gift.
- Another way to get around excessive gift giving is to have a party for charity. Have guests bring a book to donate to a low-income day care center or chew toys and old towels to give to an animal shelter. Once kids realize they'll get plenty of gifts from family and grandparents they are pretty receptive to having a party that can help somebody else.
- You can arrange for the police department to send over a police officer in a patrol car. He talks to the kids about safety and usually lets them blow the siren and tour the car. You can also take a group to tour a fire station and let the birthday child climb up on the truck.
- Pay a neighborhood teenager a few dollars to come over and paint a party of girls' fingernails and toenails. Then let them do makeovers on each other with makeup from the dollar store.
- You can reach Katherine Snow Smith by e-mail at snowsmith@verizon.net or write Rookie Mom, St. Petersburg Times, PO Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.