Short on experience, but long on laughter, contestants in the celebrity milk-off kicked off the 53rd Hernando County Fair in city style.
By BETH N. GRAY
Published April 17, 2004
[Times photo: Kevin White]
Fred McKenna may not have been dressed for the task, but the Brooksville Rotary president didn't let his tuxedo get in the way during the celebrity team milk-off competition at the Hernando County Fair. The contestants were split into two teams and each person had two minutes to milk their team's cow.
BROOKSVILLE - Hernando County's celebrities weren't cowards when they met the cows in a milking contest that opened the 53rd Hernando County Fair and Youth Livestock Show Thursday. But they were short on experience and way overdressed for the job.
Rotary Club president Fred McKenna, dressed in a black and white tuxedo that matched the Holsteins' hide, admitted he was no farm boy. "This is the closest I've ever been to a cow," he said.
Sheriff Richard Nugent, in spiffy official uniform and spit-shined shoes - quickly layered with dust - was equally inexperienced.
"I'm a city boy," he said. "I thought milk came from a bottle."
Dudley Hampton, president of the Greater Hernando Chamber of Commerce and attired in his Coca-Cola Enterprises office togs, wondered where to position the bucket. "There? Which side?" he asked his teammates.
Fair Association president Deb Pedone, who emceed the event, laid out the rules, splitting the 20 or so invitees into two teams gathered around a pair of cows on loan from Arianna Dairy. Each team member would have two minutes, relay style, on the production line. The team that got the most milk would own bragging rights until next year.
"I didn't volunteer for this," said Eric Wicklund, general manager of AutoWay Ford Lincoln Mercury, as he asked Juanita Sikes for udder advice.
Sikes, Hernando County Tax Collector, had milked cows "when I was a little kid."
That experience wasn't enough when she competed last year in the fair's first celebrity milk-off. Her team lost.
Losing no time at his turn, McKenna tossed his tuxedo jacket on the stanchion, patted cow No. 824 on the rump, pushed up his French cuffs, and knelt to the task. Cheers went up, "Come on, Fred."
"He's making it happen, folks," Pedone proclaimed to an enthusiastic crowd in the bleachers.
As Nugent tried to get a handle on things, he moaned, "This cow's run out."
Hampton encouraged Nugent, yelling, "Squeeze that trigger."
If he couldn't do better, Nugent joked, he might have to shoot the cow and barbecue her.
As County Parks and Recreation director Pat Fagan finished his turn at the milk spigots, he expressed satisfaction.
"Once you got used to it, it was fun," Fagan said, " but I think her front nipples are getting a little sore."
County Commissioner Mary Aiken also voiced concern for her cow. When you handle an udder, you at least ought to tell the cow you love her, she said.
The diminutive Aiken worked only one teat at a time - with both hands. Milking is traditionally a one-on-one business. When Aiken's time ran out, she patted the cow and thanked her.
Brenda Frazier, county community relations coordinator, noted the contest was only the second time she had "coordinated" with a cow.
"It's harder than it looks," she admitted. "I got the technique down (when) the time was almost up. If I could do it again, I'd really have it."
Jacqueline Morris, chamber executive director, had a grip on the technique. Her husband, David, was a farm boy, so he coached her.
"He told me to put my head against the side of the cow for pressure, hold tight and strip it down. It worked," Morris said.
When Brooksville police Detective Eddie McConnell grabbed hold, his cow kicked the bucket. The quick reflexes of Brooksville Parks and Recreation director Mike Walker saved a spill.
Contestants were saved from more than spilled milk. Lee Pedone II and Mitch Varazua of Arianna Dairy held the cows' tails throughout the event, avoiding any unpleasant switch in the face.
The competition was more raucous than a walk in the park, but Walker's team won by a couple of cups. Neither bucket contained a gallon.
