IT!

Dear Sis: Let's stop fighting

Part 2

Recently, I told you about my fights with my sister through grade school. I bet you were hoping we would grow out of these terrible times as we got into our teenage years, but things got worse.

We finally moved to a larger home, and I had my own room again. But now the bigger problems emerged. We both were in middle school, and you know how important clothes are to middle-school girls. It appeared what was mine was hers, and what was hers was hers, and because I was the oldest, I always had to give in and be the mature one.

My parents broke up many fights over clothes, bathroom time and taking personal stuff without asking. I hated it when our arguments turned into pushing and shoving, but sometimes that happened. These were the times I was grateful my parents stepped in and broke up the fights.

At school, we would go our separate ways when we encountered each other. My friends made fun of my little sister to the point of totally humiliating her, and I really didn't care. Sometimes I wondered if something was wrong with me when I didn't want to protect her from all the bad things they would say. I knew deep in my heart I shouldn't feel that way, but something inside me wouldn't stop me from letting my sister face their words and cruelty just like she unleashed on me.

There were times I wanted to call a truce. But I couldn't be the first one to be the peacemaker. We are in high school now, and our tastes have changed. That's been a good thing. Just to let you know, I am the one with the better taste in clothing. The "borrowing" and sneaking of stuff has lessened, but the issues now are about the phone and computer time.

I wonder if we will ever find a way to stop these fights we get into. We sometimes actually say kind words to each other, but it still seems we avoid each other at all costs. I have heard that siblings get to a point in their lives where they actually become best friends. I wonder if that will ever happen with me and my sister.

Sometimes I go to her sports events and she asks me to leave and screams at me when she gets home. I just wanted to go and cheer her on, but for some reason she doesn't want me there. Will that ever change?

I hate this sibling rivalry thing! I want to be able to show my sister that I love her. I am getting ready to graduate from high school, and I am beginning to see that all those things we used to argue about were pretty silly. I want to hang out with my little sister and be her friend, but I can tell she may not be ready for that yet.

I want to let her know I love her, and I don't want to fight with her anymore. I don't want to leave home mad at anyone because, for the first time ever, I am beginning to realize home is a place I want to come back to, and my sister is someone who should always love me no matter what.

I am not sure how to tell her I am done with fighting. But if you read this little sister - I love you.

- IT! Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com

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