In laws' form, anon, some things stupid this way come
By HOWARD TROXLER
Published April 29, 2004
Two chambers, both devoid of dignity,
In fair Tallahassee, where
we lay our scene,
Senate and House stoop to new cupidity,
Block civil suits, and mark
civil petitions as unclean.
From forth the pens of
business lobbies flow
New laws to boost their clients' wealth;
Gun ranges, big landlords, God only knows,
Doth with their money buy solon stealth.
The fearful passage of such wicked bills,
And many more yet to be discover'd,
While election-year discord the gov'nor wills
Must soon subside, so no votes are bothered,
This was the two months' traffic of our stage;
The which, if you to the news did stick
Was surely enou' to make one sick.
[Enter] Three LOBBYISTS.
Round about the Capitol go;
In the campaign money throw;
Bills, that under committees
Days and nights slept fifty-nine
Appear now as though born anew
Attached to laws that slip right through!
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Associated Industries and Chamber bubble.
Go to, and bring me sack! Doth I regret my prev'ious votes? If you wish, I doth! I doth! But it is water under the dam. Over the bridge. Confound it, man! Why the grim countenance? Jolly times await! Football season nears! Why, would that I could fly home on the nonce on a state airplane, my happiness would be complete. Go to, I say!
To run, or not to run, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in my mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of my ignorant critics,
Or to go back to making money in Miami,
And by getting rich, outrank them
socially. To retire, to whine -
No more, and by retiring to say I end
The heartache and the constant
A chief executive is heir to;
'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To retire, to quit -
To quit, perchance to be
forgotten - ay, there's the rub,
For in my family I am the only man
To hold office, yet not win the highest one -
It must give me pause.
[Enter] JOHNNIE III and the HOUSE.
Now is the session of our bad intent
Made glorious by the sound of cash
And all the headlines that criticized our House
Will be in the deep bosom of November
Now private-school brows with
And bruised teachers' unions
hung up for monuments,
Democrats' stern alarms
changed to our merry meetings,
Cigarettes untaxed, nursing
homes cut - delightful measures!
The grim-visaged public-records law is gutted
And now, instead of harassing
my precious institute,
To fright the souls of my minions,
It limps helplessly with new exceptions,
To the lascivious pleasing of my lute.
[One by one, members of the HOUSE sneak away as he speaks.]