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TAMPA - You hope they broke the news gently to Gary Bettman. You hope he was sitting down.
These are difficult times, and this is grim information. It must be delivered properly. It calls for dark clothes and solemn tones. It calls for bowed heads and furrowed brows.
Bad news, Mr. Commissioner.
They won again.
Not only that, but no one apologized for it.
If you believe what you hear, these are terrible tidings, simply terrible for the NHL. The Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Philadelphia Flyers, and isn't it awful? It won its ninth playoff game in 10 tries and have you ever heard anything worse? It is three victories from the Stanley Cup final, and the sky is falling.
Funny thing about excellence. The more the Lightning seems to show, the less some people seem to appreciate it. If you've been interrupted by the talking heads lately, there is a school of thought that the worst thing that could happen to the league, to the sport and, yes, to the television ratings would be for the Lightning to reach the final.
Understand then. When ageless Dave Andreychuk lifted another goal into the net Saturday afternoon, it was an awful sight.
When Nikolai Khabibulin continued his streak of superb games, the smell was rotten.
When Brad Richards poked the go-ahead goal into the net, the taste was wretched.
Please understand. I regret having to be the one to say this, because Tampa Bay seems to be under the impression it is having a heck of a time what with all the scoring and all the winning and the cheering and the dancing and the pointing in the general direction of Philadelphia and laughing. Well, stop all of that. Let the guilt begin to gnaw at you at once.
It is at this point, of course, you might suggest a counter-argument.
The phrase "horsehockey" comes to mind.
Bad news? Come on. The sight of the Lightning in the Stanley Cup final should be terrific news. It would be the freshest, most fun thing to hit hockey in years, and anyone who knew a puck from a ring box would recognize it.
If nothing else, Saturday's victory over the Flyers was a response to those who continue to doubt the Lightning's legitimacy. Such critics already have designated the Flyers as the defenders of the faith, as the team presented the responsibility of keeping the interloping Lightning out of the final.
Yet, the Lightning won again.
Feel free to frown if you wish.
When, exactly, did North America lose its love of something fresh, something new? When did it stop cheering for the plucky underdogs trying to crash the country club? When did it begin to value yesterday's name over today's game?
What? Are we so in love with brand names and familiar faces that the teams and athletes we watch are little more than commercial names? Are we so enchanted with movie sequels and music covers that something original challenges our elitism? When did we cease to appreciate the ruffian who crashes the country club social?
Yet, even before Saturday's latest victory, you could see the frowning faces. The Lightning-Sharks, or the Lightning-Flames would be dreadful for TV ratings because it isn't the Red Wings-Devils or the Avs-Maple Leafs.
First of all: What TV ratings? The NHL doesn't get great TV ratings. Outside of Canada and the participating cities, last year's Stanley Cup final between the Devils and Ducks was watched by 113 people. You could look it up. Even when the NHL holds one of those popular series you've seen before, most people switch the channel to watch a movie they've seen before.
Second of all: Who are we? The Neilsen family singers? Who cares who is watching on TV? Is this a game or a game show? Is the Stanley Cup final supposed to be about who is making their name in 2004, or the ones who made it in 1998?
All of that said, I don't understand why TV couldn't market the dickens out of this Lightning team. Let's see. You've got the player of the year in Martin St. Louis. You've got the coach of the year in John Tortorella. You've got the late pickup of the year in Darryl Sydor. You've got Andreychuk finally reaching the Cup final and Lecavalier's last-second highlights and 4,819 renditions of Another Brick in the Wall. You've got fast. You've got fun. You've got fresh.
You know what you have? You have Spartacus and Cinderella and Seabiscuit and Oliver Twist and Eliza Doolittle and the Amazing Mets, all rolled into one. They are Rocky and Rudy and Hoosiers. You have every story you have ever heard of humble beginnings and regal finishes.
Gee. When did that become such a terrible story?
"I understand that people want to see familiar names," Andreychuk said. "That's true in all sports. But if I were watching, I'd want to see something new."
That's true, too. The Lightning play with a fast-forward, kids-at-a-carnival energy that is nice to watch. Certainly, it beats two hours of grabbing and clutching in the neutral zone.
On the other hand, there is this. Who cares if the rest of the NHL likes the sight of the Lightning playing for the championship? Who ever liked their conquerors?
"If we're there, they won't have a choice," St. Louis said. "They'll just have to watch."
And if they still don't like it?
Well, hang around. If the Lightning keeps it up, it'll get more familiar. Fans will discover the old guy and the small guy and the Russian guy.
About 2007 or so, maybe 2008, someone will pull for them.