Gays borrow straight idea: speed dating to find a mate

	[Times photo: Bob Croslin] Tony McLaughlin, left, and Rick Walen take four minutes to get acquainted during gay speed datying at E - A Tapas Lounge in St. Petersburg

	[Times photo: Dirk Shadd] Jeniece Walker, 30, talks with another speed dater during a recent lesbian speed dating event at Grand Central Station in St. Petersburg. In speed dating, participants meet potential partners by moving from table to table every few minutes.

ST. PETERSBURG - She dated a Canadian woman she met online, but the distance got to be too much. Her friends tried setting her up, but things didn't work out.

Gay clubs? Too sweaty and grungy.

So when Yvette Hankerson saw a flier for a lesbian speed dating event, she thought, Why not? She was feeling a bit desperate.

That's why she's at Grand Central Station, a gay bar in St. Petersburg, on a Sunday afternoon, sipping ginger ale and checking out 27 other women.

"I don't have any expectations except meeting new people," says Hankerson, a 35-year-old nurse.

She's looking for someone who's comfortable with who she is. She's tired of the "you can't be gay" comments just because she wears makeup and favors mango martinis.

Already, she sees some possibilities. Maybe in the next three hours she'll find that outgoing, energetic someone.

The bell rings. She moves to her first table. Her quest for a soul mate begins.

If you're looking to fast-track romance, $28 to $38 gets you up to 20 dates in a night.

In this musical chairs approach, each blind date lasts a whopping four minutes. If sparks don't fly, it doesn't take a couple of drinks and hours of small talk to figure it out. Just move on to the next table when the bell rings, and circle "no" on your match sheet.

Sure, there's still the fear of rejection. But everyone could be a potential friend.

If two men or women circle yes for each other, Suzanne Noe exchanges their e-mail addresses for them.

"I saw it out in the straight world, and I said, "God, we need this,' " said Noe, 55.

Other speed dating companies such as 8minuteDating and HurryDate occasionally offer events for gays but cater mainly to straight singles. There's dating for single parents, vegetarian singles, smokers, "marriage minded" singles, tall singles and plus-size singles.

It makes a difference when a lesbian is running G&L Fab-Events, the only local company exclusively hosting gay and lesbian speed dating events in St. Petersburg, Tampa and Sarasota.

Forty women showed up for each of Noe's first two speed dating events.

"I think the big stereotype of the gay community is everything is based on sex," Noe said. "But there are a lot of mature gays who said, "I want to date somebody. I want to have a relationship. I don't want a one-night stand.' "

Gay couples everywhere are flocking to same-sex wedding expos and buying gay honeymoon packages. There's money to be made from courting gay and lesbian customers. According to the 2000 census, same-sex couples account for more than 8,000 households in Pinellas and Hillsborough counties.

When Noe left her husband of 28 years and moved to Florida, she discovered a mailing list of 35 lesbians looking for things to do. She's since grown the list to include more than 1,500 women.

They've played volleyball in Gulfport, bowled in Tampa and tried country dancing in St Petersburg. There's a gay and lesbian fitness club, grief support group and relationship workshops for gay singles.

Many women are too shy to approach someone in a gay bar. They're skeptical of online dating. They worry about asking someone out who might not be gay.

Speed dating, says Denise Borland, is the best alternative to being hit with a 2-by-4 by Ms. Right.

It has been a year since Borland, 31, has been on a date. She slipped on a ruffled shirt over a low-cut tank top and dragged along her buddy, Kelly Davis, 30.

Borland, of Largo, circles yes to all her dates. They could be friends, at the very least. And the last girl was cute.

Seventeen men. Ten tables. The E - A Tapas Lounge in St. Petersburg.

Each guy gets a name tag with a number. And a list of potential questions to ask.

Some men came prepared. Forget the chit-chat. They know what they're looking for.

Gay professionals, not professional gays. A nonsmoker. Athletic, with a good sense of humor. Scuba dives. Enjoys traveling. Romantically inclined. Knows the difference between intimacy and sex.

Rick Walen, 41, a St. Petersburg business analyst, peppers his dates with questions.

"What is it about your job you like most? It's raining, you don't feel like reading. What are you going to rent from Blockbusters? You've just had a stressful day at work. How do you decompress?"

After all, he has only five minutes. In a bar, he has hours.

"Even if you don't go to a bar to look for sex, it's always in the back of your mind: What is it you want from me?" Walen said. "I'm looking for someone I can build and share a life with."

In transient Florida, it can be hard to build a lasting relationship.

After living in five cities, Matthew Croy, 37, is here to stay. He just bought a house in St. Petersburg. His job as a software consultant is going well.

He initially hit it off with Tony McLaughlin, 53, a muscular man with a crew cut.

They dated for more than a month before they broke up.

McLaughlin plans to give speed dating another try. Maybe at the next event, he'll find his perfect match.

- Times researcher Caryn Baird contributed to this report. Shannon Tan can be reached at shtan@sptimes.com or 727 445-4174.

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