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Home is sometimes where the harm is

A Dawn Center representative gives religious leaders insight into domestic abuse, a prevalent problem.

SPRING HILL - Every 15 seconds a woman is battered.

Two- to 4-million women are abused each year, and 4,000 of them die.

Every 45 seconds someone in the United States is sexually assaulted.

Those dismal statistics came from Suzanne Hill, who led a recent training session on domestic violence and sexual assault sponsored by the Dawn Center, the agency that helps victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.

The workshop focused on training leaders of all houses of worship, regardless of denomination. All religious leaders were invited.

Hill, the Dawn Center's coordinator of elder abuse awareness, described abuse as a pattern of behavior that occurs over a long time. It happens to the young and the old and can occur in any family.

"What is domestic violence?" she asked. Answering her own question, she said it is physical, psychological and sexual abuse and neglect.

"Abuse also includes emotional and financial abuse," she said.

There can be a religious element to domestic abuse if a man interprets Scripture to mean wives should submit to their husbands, and husbands should love their wives, Hill said.

Abusers see only the first half of the Scripture verse, Hill said. This ploy causes Christian women to stay in abusive relationships, believing that the Bible mandates them to submit or "turn the other cheek," she said.

In addition, abused women often feel abandoned by God because they have not submitted or been obedient to their husbands, Hill said. Some clergy may ask if the wife is being obedient to her husband, keeping a good house and staying quiet. The wife may further feel that she has been rejected by a male.

Jewish women may feel pressure not to bring shame to their community by revealing the abuse in their marriage, thinking it is their responsibility to maintain peace in the home, Hill said.

"Domestic abuse occurs in all economic, racial, religious, educational, professional and societal levels," said Hill, 64, a mental health care professional of 25 years. She has managed a suicide prevention program at a hospital and assisted the president of the mental health center at Riverbend Hospital in Concord, N.H.

Experience has taught Hill how to work with abused elderly people, and she has learned the patterns of abusive behavior. Women tolerate abusive environments, she said, because they're afraid, they have children to raise, and they can't get along without a husband, emotionally or financially.

If an abused woman decides to leave, she has to figure out financing and how to move safely. She should always have a bag packed and ready to move - like a pregnant woman who is ready at a moment's notice to go to the hospital, Hill said. The approach taken by domestic abuse experts is to keep the women and their families safe until they can move on.

The healing process, Hill said, is not complete until the abused person forgives the abuser.

"The abuse will never be forgotten," she said. "It becomes a part of the victim's history."

Two clergy representatives attended the workshop: the Rev. Don Lawson, pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Brooksville, and Fran Lapidus, who teaches adult education at Temple Beth David Jewish Center in Spring Hill.

Lapidus filled in for Rabbi Cyrus Arfa, who was unable to attend. She said she was glad she went and was surprised to discover the number of older people being abused. Lapidus said she has known one abused person, a married woman, and was shocked by the discovery.

"She didn't seem to be someone who would have been abused," Lapidus said. "She was so self-assured."

Realizing the difficulty of "getting involved in someone's life and finding out what is going on, after attending the workshop I realize the need to call a professional when you see something like this and let them handle it."

Lawson said Hill was knowledgeable and passionate about the causes of and solutions for domestic abuse. He would recommend the session to other pastors.

"It's good having someone who knows what she or he is doing," Lawson said. "I was looking for referral information, not knowing to whom to refer and what is the appropriate time."

Suzanne Hill and the Dawn Center plan another abuse awareness workshop for clergy in the fall. Call 592-1288, 686-8739 or (866) 799-0657.