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I hereby promise to switch my voter registration from no-party to Republican, and to vote for President Bush's re-election, if he will give a speech something like what follows. (P.S. Even if you don't like the first half you still oughta read to the end.)
My fellow Americans:
Today I am going to talk to you about my opponent in November, John Kerry. I am going to say one set of things that has to do with politics, and one set of things that is not about politics.
If you will forgive me, let's get the politics out of the way first.
The honest belief in my heart, and the best judgment of my party, is that John Kerry is wrong about an awful lot of things when it comes to how to lead this country.
He wants to make America too dependent on what other countries say, when it comes to protecting our own security and national interest. I promise you I will never put America's security in the hands of a foreign power.
He wants to undo the progress we've made at home toward reducing the tax burden on everyday Americans. He wants to take America back in the direction of tax-first, then figure out how to spend the money later.
Our economy is rebounding. Jobs are being created. The American spirit of innovation is on the rise. You can feel a sense of optimism and pride across our land.
Under a Republican president and a Republican Congress, America is heading in the right direction. We have risen to the challenges that we faced together as a nation after Sept. 11. We have responded with a clear voice to those in the world who hate America.
We have shown the world American strength of purpose. We have taken strong steps against the threat of global terrorism. We must never let down our guard against those who would hurt America, but we can say with pride that we have made our nation safer against those who wish her ill.
I believe, and I hope you will agree, that our Democratic opponents want to lead us in the wrong direction - back to a time of uncertainty and weakness in the world, and higher taxes and government regulation at home. This is not a time to go backward.
That is enough about politics.
Now I want to say something else about John Kerry.
John Kerry served our nation in Vietnam. He won honor and recognition from his country for his service in that war. I disagree, as many of us disagree, with the antiwar statements he made afterward, while he was still a young man. But there is no doubt that he served his country with honor.
There are those in America today who, because they are misguided, believe that the thing to do is to try to smear and discredit John Kerry's service and disrespect the risks he took for his country. They even accuse him and all the brave men who served with him of lying. But in doing so, they insult the service of all Americans who have risked their lives for their country.
Patriotism knows no political party; neither does an enemy's bullet. The millions of men and women who have served America deserve our respect and our thanks and our admiration no matter what their political beliefs, no matter if they are Democrat, Republican, Green, or anything else.
As the nominee of the Republican Party - and as the president of the United States - I decry these attacks. I denounce them. I disavow them. They are ugly smears made by those who, even if they believe they are serving America, are deeply mistaken that this is the way to go about it.
There is a sickness in American politics today. There are those in all parties, even my own, who have come to believe that it is all right to do whatever it takes to win - to destroy reputations, to hurt, to defame.
Today I stand before you saying, enough is enough. I personally pledge to denounce and speak against this kind of destructive politics, this poisoning of our national dialogue.
I honor John Kerry for his service - even as I am doing everything I can to convince you that his political ideas are wrong for America, and that you should stay the course, and return to the White House the party that is the best steward for our nation.
God bless every one of you, God bless our worthy opponents in this election, and God bless the United States of America.