Weather | Sports | Forums | Comics | Classifieds | Calendar | Movies
It's a busy time for politicians. Talking. Listening. Debating. Kissing babies. Shaking hands. Pointing fingers. All that takes a lot of time and energy. And, all too often, it causes the candidates and their most ardent supporters to take themselves a little too seriously. Their skin gets thinner, and next thing you know they're being downright nasty to each other.
Humor is a good way to return perspective to the do-or-die politics that consume some candidates. With that thought in mind, I offer readers the seventh installment of Candidate Bloopers.
For every election since 1992, I have compiled a column that spotlights the verbal and written gaffes of candidates interviewed by the Times in the weeks leading up to election day. A blooper is a word or phrase that a candidate has misused, or sometimes just a statement that is outrageous, nonsensical or just plain funny.
All bloopers have been recorded on audiotape or taken from written responses to questionnaires we send each candidate. Each year I select one as the best. Previous winners are:
1992: A candidate, who obviously has never read Pandora's Box, was criticizing the School Board when she stated, "They've opened up a panda box and now they're trying to catch the panda."
1994: A candidate for the Florida House of Representatives said, "There are too many single-family parents."
1996: A County Commission candidate challenged us to, "Quote me if I'm wrong, but . . . "
1998: A County Commission candidate who was worried about conserving water: "I want input. You put your input together with the scientific facts, and you put it back to the people." Well put.
2000: From a County Commission candidate: "The Economic Development Council needs a basic, simple floormat. If you have a basic simple floormat, you don't need the EDC."
2002: An incumbent County Commission candidate lamented his workload: "Every time you get a chance to sit down, you get something in your head."
You get the idea.
Before diving into this year's batch of bloopers, a word of explanation: It is not my intent to embarrass the people who have offered themselves for public service. They deserve credit for subjecting themselves to intense scrutiny and for negotiating obstacles on the campaign trail. If ridicule were my intent, I would name them. Instead, I omit the names to protect the guilty.
So, enjoy. And remember, when you go to the polls Tuesday, chances are you will vote for at least one of the candidates who said . . . :
"The county charges exuberant fees."
"I am, above all, black and white when it comes to right and wrong."
"That issue could be used in the pully pulpit."
"Levy County is a whole different county."
"I can't think of anything that would be worse than being stood up in front of the Supreme Court and having them tell me I'm an idiot."
"We put all our kids in Velvetta buses."
"I read your editorials. I've even agreed with a couple of them. That makes me sick."
"In deed-restricted communities, you got deed restrictions."
"Maintaining athletic fields is a specialized field."
"I tend to talk a lot. I'm a lawyer."
"We are in puberty right now."
And finally, the 2004 blooper of the year:
"Commissioners just need to be vigilante with developers."
"I'm going to build a wife here." (Although the candidate did catch his error and correct it to "life.")
See you at the polls.
Jeff Webb can be reached at 352 754-6123 or webb@sptimes.com