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First-year decisions draw child's big picture

KATHERINE SNOW-SMITH
Published August 29, 2004

The choices are overwhelming. What's even more overwhelming is considering the choices not only for the first year your child is in school but for the next six years.

It's hard for parents to remember that they are not just looking for the cheeriest kindergarten classroom with the sweetest teacher. You have to look beyond that first year at a whole academic program that will suit your child as he grows and matures.

That said, however, your child's attitude toward school in the first or second year can shape how he feels about school for a long time. That's why most kindergarten teachers out there consider making that first year a great year as one of their most important tasks.

"Those kindergarten teachers spend an incredible amount of time building a culture in the classroom that's one of emotional, physical and intellectual safety," said Carol Thomas, the Pinellas County School Board's assistant superintendent of elementary and exceptional student education. She visited kindergarten classrooms at three different schools on the first day of school this year and didn't see one tear.

"Kindergarten teachers tend to be those enthusiastic cheerleaders who will assure the children that life will be just fine," Thomas said. But when checking out a school, look well beyond that very important first teacher, she added.

"Talk to other teachers. And not just the first-grade teacher. See what the media center looks like," Thomas said. "Talk to students. Ask a third-grader what they like about third grade."

One thing to remember, as much as you may or may not want to, your child is going to start growing and maturing faster than you can imagine once he's in school. He'll be able to handle a lot more responsibility and separation from his parents with each passing month of kindergarten.

Two years ago when my daughter was 3 she started going to a half-day speech therapy preschool class at John Sexton Elementary School. About two weeks before school started, I received a post card in the mail informing me what time the school bus would pick her up and return her home each day. I laughed and dropped it right in my trash can. It was a big enough step to send her to elementary school at age 3. I wasn't going to send her on the bus.

That night at dinner I was laughing about it with a friend of mine who had three kids. My third was due in three months. She agreed it was hard to picture little Charlotte on a bus alone, but that it could make sense.

Loading a baby in the car twice within three hours to drop and pick up Charlotte was going to add to the already busy morning of working part time and tending to a newborn. Also, Charlotte could be excited about it. Her big sister went to school so close she didn't ride the bus. It might be good for Charlotte's self-confidence to do something so grown up, my friend pointed out. I agreed - verbally.

Silently I was counting up how many glasses of wine she had downed. Did she really think I was putting my precious 3-year-old on a school bus alone?

Still, when I got home, I fished the transportation department's post card out of the garbage. I read that Charlotte would be dropped off and picked up at our doorstep. Her morning commute would be about an hour but in the afternoon, which was 11:30 a.m. for the half-day students, she would be the first one dropped off. She'd be home at 11:47 a.m. I called the school to see if this was really the case.

I then found out the teacher's aide in her classroom would be on the bus with her. Also, each student wears a safety harness that buckles into the bus seats.

So my husband and I decided Charlotte would ride the bus home each day. (He or I took her in the morning.) And even though the new baby wasn't due for three months, Charlotte started riding the bus home her first day of school. If we suddenly had her ride the bus when the baby was born, it could seem like he was taking precedence over her.

Turns out she liked it fine. She liked it more in the beginning when it was so novel. But she never complained. And to this day when her big sister or anyone else puts her down for being too young to do something or understand something, Charlotte is quick to say she started riding the school bus when she was only 3. (And thanks to the wonderful speech class, she says it quite clearly, I might add.)

The point of this is to remind parents that our young child is often capable of more than we think. Also, get answers to lots of specific questions from the schools when making your decisions. I would have never known an aide was on the bus if I hadn't inquired beyond what I was initially told.

Unfortunately, unlike buses with prekindergarten students, there isn't an aide on every elementary school bus. But there are aides on all buses that have students in the "exceptional student education" program.

Thomas estimated at least half of most elementary school buses would fall into this category.

Over the next year parents can do a lot to prepare their children for that big step of "real school." While it's usually easier for us to just do things ourselves to aid our kids, Thomas stresses it's worth the time to let them try more and more on their own in the coming year.

"Allow them the opportunity to experience different things," she said. "If it means spilling the milk because then they finally learn to open that milk by themselves, that's okay."

She also suggests establishing a routine where there is time set aside regularly just for talking about their day. When Thomas' son was in kindergarten, she started asking him each night to tell her two things he learned each day. They still have the same nightly routine and he's a sophomore in high school.

But what's the best piece of advice she would give parents counting down the months before sending their child to kindergarten?

"I would tell them to read to their child," Thomas said. "Read. Read. Read. Read."

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