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Before Hurricane Frances becomes all-consuming, here are an even dozen noteworthy items from Tuesday's primary election:
(1) The Martinez Crush: Holy shamoley! Mel Martinez ended up destroying Bill McCollum in the Republican U.S. Senate primary. All the polls just a few days before had shown the race neck and neck.
Do we give all the credit to Martinez's last-minute negative attacks? Did all the undecideds suddenly buy his claim that McCollum (who, remember, was one of President Clinton's impeachment prosecutors) was a "darling of the homosexual lobby"?
Nah. Maybe Mel's decision to drop 50 IQ points at the end got him yahoo votes, but not his entire 14-point margin victory. Give some of the credit just to him being President Bush's guy, and the decision of most undecideds that they weren't inspired by old hand McCollum. Don't forget: That was the original conventional wisdom for this race.
(2) Bye-bye Johnnie Byrd: The former speaker of the state House proved yet again that being a big shot in the Legislature translates into zippo, nada in a statewide election. And to think that the poor guy rammed through all those bad laws hurting Florida, at the behest of special interest groups, all for naught! Oh, well, maybe he can run for state Senate or Congress or something.
(3) Money, love, can't buy me, etc.: A memo to any future millionaire candidates for U.S. Senate: Why not just give the dough to charity?
(4) Alex, we hardly new ye: Has anyone ever made a more seamless transition from Future Star to Has-Been than Alex Penelas, the third place also-ran in the Democrats' primary for U.S. Senate?
(5) Is that a bellwether ringing? It was a surprise to see how narrowly Pasco County voters elected state Rep. Heather Fiorentino as school superintendent, despite the heavy-handed backing of the local Republican Executive Committee, and even the endorsement of Gov. Jeb Bush. It was supposed to be a Republican squashing of the other candidate, school administrator Chuck Rushe, for helping to get a school tax passed in March. Is it possible that voters might actually, you know, like public education?
(6) Burke didn't shirk the work: I would have bet anything last year that Brian Aungst, the mayor of Clearwater and a fixture on local cable television, would have been a shoo-in as Pinellas clerk of court. Instead, he got upset by an upstart Republican rival, Ken Burke, who now faces Democrat Carrie Wadlinger in the general election.
(7) Money, love, can't buy me, Part II: Neil Brickfield, a Safety Harbor city commissioner, came close to upsetting Ronnie Duncan in a Pinellas County Commission race, although Duncan had a lot more dough. Surprisingly good effort.
(8) Maybe Jan Govan was right: Taking nothing from her qualifications and her campaign, Cynthia Newton's first-place finish over four male rivals in a Pinellas circuit judge's race bolsters the idea that a female name is a built-in advantage. In another cross-gendered judicial battle, Kathy Hessinger defeated Robert "Bo" Michael, although, frankly, I think the "Bo" thing is a handicap. I say, try just "Robert Michael" next time. That'll be $5,000.
(9) Revenge of the public offenders: Pinellas County Judge Sonny Im got the boot from the voters, who installed a public defender named John Carballo in his place. Im had shot himself in the foot, especially with a stupid crack about "public offenders."
(10) Uneasy rests the head: Peyton Hyslop, a veteran Hernando County judge, was fired by the voters and replaced with prosecutor Don Scaglione, who was running against him for the second time.
(11) If it's any consolation, Churchill got sacked too: Margie Kincaid, who once ruled the Hillsborough Republican Party with unquestioned power, couldn't even win back a seat as the local party's state committeewoman. (Maybe she should have called her rival "the darling of the homosexual lobby.")
(12) Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them: Pinellas voters opted for an all-female School Board by firing the veteran Lee Benjamin, while keeping the other incumbent on the ballot, Carol Cook. Just a few years ago, a male cadre on the board known as "The Boys" ran the whole show. How times change.
P.S.: Good luck in the storm, y'all.