The county school district is offering a series of workshops where attendees learn how to defuse potentially volatile situations without conflict.
By VALERIE TAYLOR
Published September 9, 2004
What would you do if your daughter came home from school and told you she was disciplined for something that you felt was unjustified?
And what if your son announced that he wanted to go into the Airborne Infantry instead of to college?
Potential for conflict? Absolutely.
How you handle it next depends on many factors, including how you saw conflict being handled as you were growing up, who you are today, and what skills you have in resolving testy issues - with children, teachers, parents, spouses, colleagues and others.
Conflicts are so commonplace that they're often referred to as "the coffee-pot syndrome, where you might say, well I like decaf, but there's only regular in this office,"' said Sharon Mechler, Exceptional Student Education parent liaison for the Hernando County school district.
Mechler, 45, is one of the organizers of "Clash of the Titans," the county's conflict resolution workshops designed to nip confrontations in the bud instead of focusing on damage control after the incident.
Unlike the fate that awaited the Titans, a mythological race of deities who warred against the gods and were banished to a pit, Mechler anticipates that participants will walk away with the skills to negotiate peaceful solutions, handle touchy situations appropriately and avoid turning small flareups into full-blown conflicts.
The workshops are part of a statewide initiative to reduce parent-school conflicts, an issue which officials in Tallahassee see as a problem, Mechler said.
"I can tell you that is not my belief for Hernando County," said Mechler. "I feel that we do a real good job of disseminating information and giving parents the support they need prior to finding themselves in a conflict position. But do all parents know that they have these support measures out there? Absolutely not, and that's why we have to do something like this."
Mechler believes that, since you can't avoid them, you might as well learn to turn those situations into a win-win for both sides. Conflict can be a positive thing, clearing the air and putting issues into context, she said.
She is living proof that these types of strategies work, having used them successfully for years at work, in the community and at home. She admits, however, that her maternal instincts overrode her conflict resolution skills temporarily when her son, Bill, 18, decided to join the army after graduation.
"This was not a choice I would like to see my child make, especially the way our country is right now," Mechler said.
The family did some research and presented Bill with army options other than the Airborne Infantry until Bill made it clear that he just wanted to be a soldier, Mechler said.
After listening - one of the most important steps in conflict resolution - Mechler realized Bill was not throwing away a college education altogether, only trying to defer it for two years. And that his military training, he felt, would help him toward his ultimate goal: to join the Hernando County Sheriff's Office.
Picking your battles, letting go of others and accepting outcomes are important concepts of effective conflict resolution skills. Yes, even allowing someone to cut in line might be an option, she said, suggesting that we might ask ourselves if getting upset is worth it.
But if that's asking too much, the next step is to look at what we say and how we say it to the person trying to cut ahead. That's where good conflict resolution techniques come in.
The skills and strategies presented in the workshops will be very helpful, said Mechler, for those "Titans" who perhaps grew up in an environment where the family slogan might have been, "may the best man/woman win," or people whose buttons are easily pushed, or who do battle with children or others almost daily.
Also, people who face confrontations often, such as teachers or those who work in group settings, like PTAs and school advisory councils, can also benefit from the conflict resolution tools provided in these sessions.
Facing what is a heavy topic, Mechler and her co-coordinators, John Balogh and Nikki Franco, worked for months to interject levity. They even plan to offer door prizes.
"We promise to make the workshops dynamic, fun-filled and entertaining," she said.
IF YOU GO
Eastside Elementary: 10 a.m. to noon Wednesday West Hernando Middle: 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Wednesday Westside Elementary: 1 to 3 p.m. Sept. 16
Moton Elementary: 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Sept. 16
DETAILS: Childcare for ages 3-12 will be provided, and registration is required because the workshop sizes are limited to 25 participants. Call Linda Vagts 797-7021 for more information or to register for one of the workshops.
