Dot Conklin's eternal soft spot for kids prompted her to volunteer for the Guardian ad Litem program seven years ago. Her husband, Ken, soon joined her after witnessing the good deeds she was performing as an advocate for the abused, neglected and abandoned children of Hillsborough County.
Over lunch with St. Petersburg Times columnist Ernest Hooper, the Conklins spoke about what drives them to be voices in and out of the court for the kids who have become part of the county's child welfare system.
What do you do as a guardian ad litem?
DOT: We make reports to the court on what the children need, what they're getting. We make recommendations as to their placement. We make recommendations as to whether they should go home or if their parents' rights should be terminated.
KEN: As a guardian, we represent the children in court. They're not allowed in the court, they wouldn't understand it anyway, and we're to look after their needs and make sure their needs are taken care of. Believe me, a lot of services would go by the wayside if we weren't there. We're to visit them a minimum of once a month, more if we can.
I would imagine there is a lot of emotion in terms of what the kids have gone through, as well as the attachment you develop. How do you deal with the emotions?
DOT: There are some tears, but there are so many smiles. That's how we deal with it. Whenever we are going through a rough time, we always have the support of the Guardian ad Litem staff. The case coordinators, the attorneys. If we have any questions, all we have to do is pick up the phone and call them.
KEN: You get attached to the kids just like they are your own. We have four great-grandkids. When it comes time to let loose of these kids, it's not hard because you know you've improved their lives drastically.
DOT: Every step they take toward permanency and a happy ending, we take a step back. We're still there observing and making sure everything is going good for them, but we take a step back from letting them depend on us so they can depend on the others who are going to be in their future.
KEN: You also know there's a lot more that need your help, so it doesn't hurt you to let one group go and take on another.
So each of you have your own cases and you also share some cases, correct?
DOT: I like for him to sign on to my cases where I have a lot of adolescent boys.
KEN: A lot of these cases, the kids don't have a father figure in their lives. There are a lot of boyfriends, but no father. They need a male role model.
What is most rewarding about the program?
DOT: I think it's when those children are happy. When you see a smile and those kids eyes, I think that's the most rewarding thing. What you give to a child, good or bad, that child is going to give back to the world.
KEN: When you go visit a kid you've had on your case and he comes running and gives you a hug.
DOT: One of the most rewarding things came from an 8-year-old girl who was sexually and physically abused, neglected. She was in the system for about two years before her adoption. I went over to give her her Christmas gift when she was in the preadoptive stage, and she gave me this book, Being Adopted By A Loving and Caring Family, that was written and illustrated by her. It tells about her finding a family, having her own room. She got to choose the color for her room and she choose the color, "eternity." She asked her adoptive mother what eternity meant, and her mother said it meant they would be stuck together forever (laughs). We work for permanency. I cried all the way home, tears of happiness. This is exactly what we're trying to do for the kids.
What are the challenges of the program?
DOT: I would say every case is different, every case is challenging. They all have one thing in common: These kids are hurting. I had one case where the children were 15 and they had never been in school. They didn't know how to write, they didn't know how to act, they didn't know a nickel from a quarter. But those kids today are doing great.
What's the communication like with the kids? Is there a generation gap?
DOT: These kids communicate with anybody who cares.
KEN: Maybe the first two or three visits, they're leery of talking to you. But after they see you on a regular basis, they loosen up.
What's your sales pitch for the program?
KEN: It's very rewarding and there are thousands of kids out there who need help. It doesn't take a lot of extensive training, it doesn't take a lot of skill or knowledge, it just takes wanting to help kids. You're not working alone.
DOT: I think these children have such a need. I know it's the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. When we go in these kids have had love, but they have never had any of the things that made us feel secure in life, made us feel happy.
KEN: On one case, in six months, you may have three or four caseworkers from Hillsborough Kids Inc. They see all kinds of different people, but there's always one guardian. They keep the one guardian all the time.
DOT: I have one case that started in July 1998. Those children, unfortunately, have had probably 12 different caseworkers. Their therapists have changed. There will be so many workers in and out of their lives and every time one leaves, this one girl who's 14 now says, You're not going to leave me, are you Dot? I say, No, I'm going to be here as long as you need me.
DESSERT: A postscript from Ernest
Dot, 69, and Ken, 62, who live in Seffner, devote an extraordinary amount of time to being guardians. Ken said he wouldn't get involved until he retired from his position from Cummins Southeastern Power, but the desire to help led him to volunteer two years before he retired. Dot is a self-described "full-time guardian" and has juggled as many as eight cases involving 20 kids. Her work has not gone unnoticed by the Guardian ad Litem staff. Each year, one guardian receives the Dot Conklin Fact Finder Award. In the treasured book she received from one of her kids, Dot is drawn as an angel, and the 8-year-old wrote, When the adoption is over, I will not need Ms. Dot but I'll always remember what she did for me so that I could be part of a loving and adopting family.
If you go
For more information and a complete guardian ad litem training schedule, call 272-5110 or visit www.voicesforchildren.info
