The big day is Tuesday, when the nation will come together to make the most important decision in our lifetime.
And if you think I'm referring to deciding between watching another World Series of Poker rerun on ESPN or the Best Damn Sports Show Period , do us all a favor - stay away from the polls.
Please.
Or, check out ESPN at 11 p.m. Monday, when the network formerly known for its sports dips its toes into the political arena by airing interviews with both candidates.
A long, nasty campaign comes to an end the next day, and if you still have not decided on John Kerry or John Kerry, then ESPN might provide some insight.
(I'm joking ... of course I know that Kerry is running against that other guy, and not himself. Sheesh.)
Sure, there will be those who complain about ESPN throwing George W. Bush and Kerry on at 11 p.m., just when most sports fans are frantically searching for the latest World's Strongest Man competition or an MLS score.
But relax. It's just 30 minutes, and maybe Kerry's stance on Pete Rose - " ... as we know from Shoeless Joe (Jackson) and other experiences, gambling is treated differently and it's over the line. So my own inclination is that you have to draw the line. You have to set the standard and gambling puts you outside" - will sway you.
Or perhaps you're a disgruntled fan who has been priced out of attending sports events, and W.'s response - "Part of the family friendly environment is good ticket prices, and so owners are going to have to be very careful because there is a price at which the consumer will say, "I'm staying home and watch this thing on TV"' - will clinch your vote.
Yeah, I didn't think so. Which is why, if ESPN wants to have an effect on the election, it should square the candidates off in a game of it's entertaining I'd Do Anything .
A.) Does anything describe this presidential race better? I'd do anything? Perfect for two guys who tell the truth about as well as Scott Rolen hits in a World Series.
B.) It'd be fun.
Make them field a punt and try to return it against an arena football team without blockers. Have them try to make a basket against a raging bull while wearing red. Football training camp on a moving train, anyone? Or best yet, a few holes of golf while covered by bees.
On I'd Do Anything , the winner gets to fulfill a dream of a family member or friend. Bush wins, Dick Cheney gets to be president four more years. Kerry wins, Teresa Heinz-Kerry gets to redecorate the White House.
It'd be a great episode. And we'd have a winner Nov.2.
