Fill out this form to email this article to a friend
Amendment 14: Requires ridicule of voting folly
CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS: 2006 General Election
By HOWARD TROXLER
Published November 7, 2004
AMENDMENT ONE: HIGH-SPEED RAIL
High-speed rail, which was approved in 2000 and repealed in 2004, is hereby re-approved.
AMENDMENT TWO: HIGH-SPEED RAIL
Just in case Amendment One passes, it is hereby repealed.
AMENDMENT THREE: FUNNY HATS FOR LAWYERS
Whenever trial lawyers appear in court, they should have to wear stupid little hats too small for their heads that make them look silly. They also should have to wear signs saying "I Am An Evil Trial Lawyer."
AMENDMENT FOUR: OH YEAH? POLKA-DOT COATS FOR DOCTORS
Doctors also should be required to wear hats saying "Don't Like My Doctoring? Call 1-800-SUE-A-DOC."
AMENDMENT FIVE: FAIRNESS IN PLUMBING
Be it resolved: Plumbers charge too darned much money, especially on nights and weekends. Amendment also creates a State Emergency Plumbing fund to cover the cost of weekend visits for homeowners who broke a pipe trying to fix it themselves.
AMENDMENT SIX: A WELL-DESERVED RAISE FOR MILDRED C. JOHANNSEN OF MYAKKA CITY, FLORIDA
Mildred C. Johannsen of Myakka City, Florida, has worked at in the same office for the past six years without getting a raise and really, really thinks she deserves one. So do about 500,000 other Floridians who signed her petition.
AMENDMENT SEVEN: CASINO GAMBLING IN SCHOOLS
Legalizes casino gambling in school classrooms to benefit education. Allows Legislature to issue "gambling vouchers" to install casino equipment in private schools as well.
AMENDMENT EIGHT: CONFUSING BALLOT LANGUAGE
Repeals voter-intent section of previously enacted amendment requiring supermajority "no" vote to enforce plurality approval of proposed amendments.
AMENDMENT NINE: JEB BUSH, CHAMBER TO APPROVE FUTURE AMENDMENTS
All future petition drives must be cleared for ballot not only by the Florida Supreme Court, but by Gov. Jeb Bush and the Florida Chamber of Commerce, who must issue a determination as to whether they will or will not "blot out the sun."
AMENDMENT TEN: MOVING MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL TO 8 P.M.
Pretty much speaks for itself.
AMENDMENT ELEVEN: HIGH-SPEED RAIL
Reverses result of whatever the voters did last on high-speed rail.
AMENDMENT TWELVE: DOG BILL OF RIGHTS
All dogs entitled to two walks per day, with treats issued after each. Walks must consist of more than merely letting dog out into yard and saying, "Well, hurry up." All dogs entitled to full greeting ritual upon encountering other dogs on street. Creates statewide leash law for cats.
AMENDMENT THIRTEEN: HURRICANE PREDICTIONS
License revocations for TV stations that boast, after a hurricane, that they knew where it would make landfall all along.
[Last modified November 6, 2004, 23:49:33]
Share your thoughts on this story
|
News
Fifty years ago, they were screwed-up kids sent to the Florida School for Boys to be straightened out. But now they are screwed-up men, scarred by the whippings they endured. Read the story and see a video and portrait gallery.
Print
Email story
Comment
Letter to the editor
