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Letter to the editor

Darn tootin' I'm fixin' to watch NASCAR

By HUBERT MIZELL
Published November 21, 2004

Y'all, I'm pulling for the 24 car. That's NASCARese. I mean Jeff Gordon. Now you be nice, Bubba. No hissing, booing or Budweiser-can throwing. I'm dang near as fine with Junior Earnhardt or Mark Martin winning the big one.

Today is the Super Bowl, but not an NFL thing. It's the World Series, with no Sox or Cards. NASCAR doesn't need a Chris Berman or a throbbing six-hour TV buildup before Homestead kickoff.

"Gentlemen, crank your rides."

I love NASCAR. I'm no Bubba Come Lately. Been there to see Richard Petty win, to converse with Fireball Roberts and Cale Yarborough and the Allisons. To only mildly flinch, at first, seeing a wreck that looked semi-harmless, the one that killed Junior's daddy, Dale.

There'll always be NASCAR danger but safety precautions have become remarkable. You don't hear much of the old bonehead anti-NASCAR citizen bellowing: "People go to races just for the chance they might see a driver die."

NASCAR appeal is mighty. And simple. Most of us drive cars, at times faster than the law allows, so we can at least mildly relate with functioning in tight, quick traffic. Identifying with the accelerator aces far more easily than with Peyton Manning, Shaq O'Neal or Barry Bonds.

Drivers make themselves easy to like. Appeal stretches from the Carolinas to California, from New Hampshire to Homestead. Tiger Woods is my golfing man, but not even he fuels public passions at the height of a Junior or a Jeffy.

What a game, with no nasty steroid clouds. No confusing strikes or lockouts. No 300-pounders. No 7-footers. And, as far as I can see, NASCAR clutch jammers still run a quart or two low on tattoos.

Gearheads, yeah. Muscleheads, nyet.

Check the physiques of the five dudes with a Homestead chance to hoist the Nextel Cup, the Lombardi Trophy of stock car racing. Gordon is 5 foot 8, Martin 5-6, while Earnhardt towers at 6 feet, an inch up on Kurt Busch and Jimmie Johnson. No, pigskin breath, that's not Jimmy Johnson the old coach with the plastered 10w30 hair.

None of these Big Five gearshift heroes weighs more than 175, which is placekicker size. Martin, at 135, could skip a Happy Meal or two and shrink almost to horse-jockey small. But the horsepower cowboys are unquestionably big.

Their sport, running at 180-plus mph, banging into walls, as well as into each other, is gaining fast on pro football as America's main squeeze. An enormous edge: In NASCAR, all the big names are there for every race, from Talladega to Chicago, from Dover to Phoenix. Never a meaningless, hapless game.

Every show is loaded with everybody. Buy a speedway ticket and you're served not just two teams from which to pluck a favorite. NASCAR delivers 45 teams.

Pick a hottie like Junior or Jeff, an old pro like Martin, a former champ like Dale Jarrett, a midrange hustler like Joe Nemechek or a back-of-the-packer with a fancy name like Kyle Petty.

NASCAR has become so colossal, about the only push still needed is for diversity. Hold your steam, Bubba. Let's talk about it. I mean people who, given real opportunities, can work hard enough and are gifted enough to earn starring roles.

You with me, Bubba?

PIT STOPS: My campaign has flunked; TV babblers continue to gush the English language's most misused term: unbelievable. ESPN's Sean Salisbury leaned on the erroneous crutch three times in 90 seconds; not a record. Why don't producers/directors care? ... If Maryland played Kansas in football, we'd see 700 pounds of head coaches. Weighty equals on the scales are Ralph Friedgen (Terps) and Mark Mangino (Jayhawks). ... Typical comment from a spoiled fan of one of Florida's three famous college football programs: ex-Miami darling Michael Irvin saying on ESPN that his Hurricanes losing twice is "a terrible, terrible season."

THE LAST WORD: I've seen a lot of coaches fired, big names and not, but never has a lame duck surpassed Ron Zook for class, patience, professional drive, human restraint and resilient faithfulness. He even kept recruiting hard, selling kids he'll never get to coach. Zooker would be an impressive hire for a Kentucky, a UNLV, an Illinois or any program where something less than 10-1 seasons are quite acceptable.

Hubert Mizell can be contacted at mizell3@cox.net

[Last modified November 21, 2004, 00:16:21]